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Posts Tagged ‘willingness’

Some people think that to have peace, is to ignore the person that irritates or hurt them.

If only they’d notice that even when all communication, meetings or even bonds are said to be severed – their reactions of anger, sadness, tears or even aloofness upon hearing the name or memories of this person already shows that the mere mention causes irritation or hurt without the actual physical presence of this person in their life.

If that is the case, then what difference would it make to ignore or not? The achievement of Peace was only imagined and rather conditioned in the so-called ‘absence’ of the other.

If only they could realise that whether they meet or not meet this person, what ultimately irritates or hurts them is not this person, but rather, the unconscious hanging on to the memorable perception of this person which can only come from an inner error of judgment and expectation within self.

And that, cannot have anything to do with the other.

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When people judge or conclude on the mannerisms of teachings and the people who are drawn to it, it just becomes very obvious that they are still putting something into the box although they claim to be getting out of it. Surely, at this moment, it also looks like I am also putting them in the box by stating this too.

I read an article not too long ago about a teacher who is apparently guiding his disciples towards awakening, advocating that it is still gentleness that leads people out of delusion, rather than harshness. Interestingly, a few weeks later, I had to edit a similar article. Personally, I found both articles quite funny as if trying to reason which mannerism is better than the other, or to achieve an understanding on why some are drawn to the respective mannerisms.

The reason why I find it funny is because it is impossible to define which mannerism is better and what more, which is better for oneself although one may very well have his or her preference. And to conclude that one is drawn towards one approach and not the other, ultimately is also limiting. I find that the drawing or resonance towards teachings or teachers’ behaviors has much to do with one’s own intention towards the whole objective of being in touch with the teachings or the teacher. It can be unconscious intentions of seeking comfort, love, approval or even to the extent punishment, depending on what seeds are growing in the abyss of the mind at the moment of seeking.

For one that is seeking the truth, I have observed, it doesn’t matter how the knowledge or information is being presented although at times, it can come as a shock and some form of discomfort can be experienced at first. But again, as mentioned, depending on the initial intention of the original contact, the mannerism adopted during the contact is secondary, yet becomes a necessary means to fulfill the conditions of awakening at the point of contact as part of the process. So to conclude that one is better than the other, or even try to reason why there is preference, is to totally deter the natural law of what is prudently, necessary and needed for the moment for the objective to be achieved in the midst of the process.

Being privileged to be in the shoes who have had experiences of sharing in both mannerisms (gentleness & harshness), those specific times were simply explored and surrendered for the benefit of the sharing sessions. So far, the comments which I have received in return were phrases such as a bright beautiful angel, a living Buddha, even a tough-love-no-nonsense-no-frills teacher/comrade. Yet at the end of it all, my true gift in return was not in the resounding words that came back to my consciousness, but rather, in being a witness to the process of awakening to their own clarity and freedom. And yes, I do get a grateful Thank You from them too. Secretly, I myself am thankful to them, and most importantly to the natural process that took place without my own interference and interpretation of it.

Definitely, the gentler approach would draw crowd and most times, popularity too. Yet, it would be equally redundant if the gentler approach was used as a means to that, as opposed to truly sharing or guiding one who is truly yearning to find out what is truly going on. But then again, the non-abiding laws of the universe can always be trusted – where the seeker will always find what he seeks, since no man can be hidden from what he truly and sincerely seeks.

Therefore, so-called seekers, if you truly seek what you are sincerely seeking, why bother on the type of mannerism or how it arrives at your door when the Universe is merely delivering to you what you are seeking?

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So, yesterday was an official ‘Teacher’s Day’ celebrated by the world. I remember when I was a young kid, I would bring an apple to each of my teachers on such a day and wish them ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’. Why an apple? I heard or read from somewhere the best gift to a teacher was an apple and I honestly don’t know why. But since there is a saying, ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’, my guess is that it is either to make sure that the teacher doesn’t go on sick leave so that we could have our lessons on, or it is simply a wish for good health.

Interestingly, I received a ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’ message.

I’d have to admit that I had my fair share of dreaming to be like my own teachers – well loved, well received and well respected. But that was the past and I am not very inclined at the moment to revisit that memory except to say that at some point, someting just felt untrue about it. The air of being a teacher just didn’t sustain itself very long in me. I’d have to acknowledge too that to some selected few, I am being held up on a pedestal as a teacher. Yet, interestingly, there is always a tendency to remind them that I am a friend. That too, have somehow turned untrue to me now. I felt I am now, more of a comrade – someone to work with if you are really interested in working within.

The few who call upon me do ask me questions, and many a times expecting to get some sort of answers from me. What answers can I give to them, except to restructure their own questions and to redirect it back to them to arrive at their own answers? And they do get their own answers, somehow. And when they do, they are discreet about it; a little like me; because they know, and they share with me their own little liberation as means of expressing their appreciation. And it ends there.

So this person who wished me ‘Teacher’s Day’ shared with me that while he previously learned many tools from this particular teacher to unknot the mystic mind which he also learned from other sources, I apparently did something unique which was to empower him to create personal realisations out of these information learned. He shared further that as much as he now saw that I am his teacher, he also started to see why he will need to transcend through me in order for him to be his own teacher. Apparently, what I shared with him opened some doors for him and allowed him to see himself in me. It was awfully nice of him to think that way and that I was the one I did it.

I pondered a little on Teacher’s Day after receiving his message and thought that the most appropriate teacher to be grateful to ought to be Life itself. And upon pondering further, that felt untrue too as the anwer that felt truer came back towards the inner teacher, which is Godme – God&Me. No one can teach you anything. They merely share with you. You have to do the work, and Life offers that opportunity to you for your own inquiry, your own clarity and your own liberation.

No man shall be blind from what he seeks and wish to find unless what he truly wishes is not to find what he seeks.

So, am I a teacher?

Personally, I selfishly and arrogantly prefer to be labelled as a Comrade 🙂

Yet, if I am to teach anything to anyone, let it be that which directs one to Godme – the only Teacher to love, worship, cherish and respect within, and not me or anyone else. In that way, the outer conditions – the world – becomes an opportunity to learn and to be taught, from within. Then only can it be said, that it is solely yours and no one else’s.

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Be gentle with me
I am only a child.

When you scream at me
Screech at me
Or even defend in your righteousness
By being stern with me
I will only retreat into my cave
Or throw my tantrums
Never seeing your point of view
Only wishing you hear me out
Perhaps even wishing I was dead
Because
I am only a child
I am only a child.

I am yearning for you to listen to me
To see me
The anger brewing within me
The hurt behind it all
Yet
Don’t lie to me
Don’t coax me
Just simply tell me the truth
Because I may feel better today
By your sweet honeyed words
But when I find out the truth tomorrow
I will hate you
And that will be worst
Because I have hurt even more
And I might even hate me for knowing you
Hate me for trusting you
Hate us for being like this
I am only a child, you see
I am only a child.

Force me not in my growing up
If that is what you are truly teaching me
I am only a child now
I am only a child
Learning and picking up what is in front of me
What you do
What you say
No matter how hard you try to make me grow up
I just can’t
Because
I am only a child
It is just not possible for me to see
Just not possible, beyond my time.

And it looks like
The way that you are now
Is most likely what I will become
Just another child trapped
Not listening
Not understanding
Because I am learning from a child too
And that child is you…

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Loving is really that simple. Just loving, effortlessly.

It is only when beliefs and concepts start creeping in, that it makes the experience of loving a little harder hence propelling people to behave pretty strangely towards each other.  As if to stay away, it is possible to deny what is there; as if to stay away, it is possible to let time ‘heal’ the wound of not having; yet again, it is not about staying away or staying together. It is really about being awake to the moment, awake to the beliefs and concepts that one is still holding on in the mind that is stopping the experience of being maximal in full appreciation without guilt or regret.

Yet, does loving really stop? It doesn’t although it can be easily perceived that way.

It is really truly easier just to love, without harbouring the seeds of wanting, having, owning, judging, expecting, leaving, going. Yet, as long as there is still inner work to be done, do it for one’s own sake and not for another. What has the other got to do with all the concepts you have in the mind? The other cannot “add” to your reality. The other’s presence in your life, is ultimately only how you choose to perceive it to be and hence that becomes your reality.

Other than that, it is just as it is.

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Some may argue that we are being pulled to the past or future by thoughts and that, thoughts are impersonal. It is true. But can they surface in your consciousness if they are not part of your being? And yes, all of us, if not most of us, seem to be carrying the same stuffs.

What I meant by saying they are part of your being is that there is something in those thoughts that means deeply to us – attachment.

There are some methodologies which apparently helps one such as recognition and even reciting a certain mantra. Perhaps they help to a certain extent. But in my observation and direct experience, the practice itself actually becomes a distraction of the Now moment.  In fact, it can be a form of running away from the thoughts or an experience right here and now itself. Only one who has utilized this methodology would know what I mean. It somehow has a sense of ‘robbing’ away the moment presented to us, Now. Perhaps this can be said to be more of a useful practice when one is meditating in a formal seated posture without distraction.

Before I come closer to sharing what we could actually do with thoughts, I would actually suggest an essential step of non-resistance. I notice, as much as suffering can come from believing in thoughts, it can also come from resisting them. When this propels further, intense emotions tend to come on even stronger because of the ignoring attitude, until one has no choice but to break up in rage, or break down in depression – whichever way, there is no difference in the underlying cause of these emotions aside from the definition of each.

Dealing with thoughts is really facing them. What I mean by facing them, is to really listen attentively or write them down and begin the journey of inquiry of each thought which almost always direct it back to the self. The trick here is to do it with the pure intent of really wanting to know the truth, rather than wanting to reinstate oneself to a feel-good state of mind. I have observed that many fall into the category of the latter and for that, they give up the whole inquiry process altogether only to find that they get upset again when the same category of thoughts arise when similar situations happen. Some even find resistance in this methodology due to some other beliefs that they have earlier acquired in their own practice of awakening. As much as I believe there are many ways to skin a cat, this methodology seems to nail the cause which results in a natural effortless change in a person as opposed to conscious effort to change towards a more favourable concept. The former is a natural shift in beingness, the latter is more a mimicking, or conditioning towards that.

There is a difference in natural shift and conditioning. A natural shift comes about from a true realized state, whereas conditioning is part of what is trained, or made habitual out of repetitive reinforcement. Either way is perfect, except that the natural shift of change, in my personal opinion, is something authentic as it arises naturally whereas the latter is like cloning.

Self inquiry takes a lot of courage and it can be pretty scary because self inquiry takes you into a world away from what you already know through the apparent ‘morbidity’ of your thoughts – into the unknown where no one else can fit into, but you yourself.

While it is true that thoughts causes separation, yet each thought that arises, as long as you are affected by it (and only one knows whether it does or not), you could work towards understanding what they are pointing towards and it always, always comes back to you, and you alone. While some thoughts may be scary, some may hurt, and some even threaten, yet when you sincerely sit down and work with them, is there a possibility to be awaken to what you have been hiding from yourself all these while – your own freedom.

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An image surfaces
And floats away

Another surfaces
And merges inwards

Can I choose to remember this
By holding on
Or perhaps
Choose to forget this
By letting go

I don’t know

I chuckle

I remember that he said
Even when I don’t know
I know that I don’t know

How wonderful to know
I am but All Knowing 🙂

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