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Posts Tagged ‘integrity’

Some people stress so much on spirituality;

Some people stress so much on money;

Some else on life purpose, family, charity, whatever…;

Not knowing, they are all led by beliefs.

Some people persistently go on and on about who walks the talk, who talks the talk and not walk, who pretends to walk though not talk… In whatever topic matter be it spirituality, religion, politics, health or what have you…

What’s in it but yet another hidden agenda to satisfy?

Leave the there for there. We just be 100% responsible for here. It’s enough. There is really no need to talk; of course, unless you just simply feel like it – minus the hidden agenda.

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While it is true there’s no right and wrong,

It doesn’t mean harm is not possible;

For all is but cause and effect,

What you sow is what you reap;

And that includes affecting the experiences of others around you.

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So, yesterday was an official ‘Teacher’s Day’ celebrated by the world. I remember when I was a young kid, I would bring an apple to each of my teachers on such a day and wish them ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’. Why an apple? I heard or read from somewhere the best gift to a teacher was an apple and I honestly don’t know why. But since there is a saying, ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’, my guess is that it is either to make sure that the teacher doesn’t go on sick leave so that we could have our lessons on, or it is simply a wish for good health.

Interestingly, I received a ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’ message.

I’d have to admit that I had my fair share of dreaming to be like my own teachers – well loved, well received and well respected. But that was the past and I am not very inclined at the moment to revisit that memory except to say that at some point, someting just felt untrue about it. The air of being a teacher just didn’t sustain itself very long in me. I’d have to acknowledge too that to some selected few, I am being held up on a pedestal as a teacher. Yet, interestingly, there is always a tendency to remind them that I am a friend. That too, have somehow turned untrue to me now. I felt I am now, more of a comrade – someone to work with if you are really interested in working within.

The few who call upon me do ask me questions, and many a times expecting to get some sort of answers from me. What answers can I give to them, except to restructure their own questions and to redirect it back to them to arrive at their own answers? And they do get their own answers, somehow. And when they do, they are discreet about it; a little like me; because they know, and they share with me their own little liberation as means of expressing their appreciation. And it ends there.

So this person who wished me ‘Teacher’s Day’ shared with me that while he previously learned many tools from this particular teacher to unknot the mystic mind which he also learned from other sources, I apparently did something unique which was to empower him to create personal realisations out of these information learned. He shared further that as much as he now saw that I am his teacher, he also started to see why he will need to transcend through me in order for him to be his own teacher. Apparently, what I shared with him opened some doors for him and allowed him to see himself in me. It was awfully nice of him to think that way and that I was the one I did it.

I pondered a little on Teacher’s Day after receiving his message and thought that the most appropriate teacher to be grateful to ought to be Life itself. And upon pondering further, that felt untrue too as the anwer that felt truer came back towards the inner teacher, which is Godme – God&Me. No one can teach you anything. They merely share with you. You have to do the work, and Life offers that opportunity to you for your own inquiry, your own clarity and your own liberation.

No man shall be blind from what he seeks and wish to find unless what he truly wishes is not to find what he seeks.

So, am I a teacher?

Personally, I selfishly and arrogantly prefer to be labelled as a Comrade 🙂

Yet, if I am to teach anything to anyone, let it be that which directs one to Godme – the only Teacher to love, worship, cherish and respect within, and not me or anyone else. In that way, the outer conditions – the world – becomes an opportunity to learn and to be taught, from within. Then only can it be said, that it is solely yours and no one else’s.

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Be gentle with me
I am only a child.

When you scream at me
Screech at me
Or even defend in your righteousness
By being stern with me
I will only retreat into my cave
Or throw my tantrums
Never seeing your point of view
Only wishing you hear me out
Perhaps even wishing I was dead
Because
I am only a child
I am only a child.

I am yearning for you to listen to me
To see me
The anger brewing within me
The hurt behind it all
Yet
Don’t lie to me
Don’t coax me
Just simply tell me the truth
Because I may feel better today
By your sweet honeyed words
But when I find out the truth tomorrow
I will hate you
And that will be worst
Because I have hurt even more
And I might even hate me for knowing you
Hate me for trusting you
Hate us for being like this
I am only a child, you see
I am only a child.

Force me not in my growing up
If that is what you are truly teaching me
I am only a child now
I am only a child
Learning and picking up what is in front of me
What you do
What you say
No matter how hard you try to make me grow up
I just can’t
Because
I am only a child
It is just not possible for me to see
Just not possible, beyond my time.

And it looks like
The way that you are now
Is most likely what I will become
Just another child trapped
Not listening
Not understanding
Because I am learning from a child too
And that child is you…

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Some may argue that we are being pulled to the past or future by thoughts and that, thoughts are impersonal. It is true. But can they surface in your consciousness if they are not part of your being? And yes, all of us, if not most of us, seem to be carrying the same stuffs.

What I meant by saying they are part of your being is that there is something in those thoughts that means deeply to us – attachment.

There are some methodologies which apparently helps one such as recognition and even reciting a certain mantra. Perhaps they help to a certain extent. But in my observation and direct experience, the practice itself actually becomes a distraction of the Now moment.  In fact, it can be a form of running away from the thoughts or an experience right here and now itself. Only one who has utilized this methodology would know what I mean. It somehow has a sense of ‘robbing’ away the moment presented to us, Now. Perhaps this can be said to be more of a useful practice when one is meditating in a formal seated posture without distraction.

Before I come closer to sharing what we could actually do with thoughts, I would actually suggest an essential step of non-resistance. I notice, as much as suffering can come from believing in thoughts, it can also come from resisting them. When this propels further, intense emotions tend to come on even stronger because of the ignoring attitude, until one has no choice but to break up in rage, or break down in depression – whichever way, there is no difference in the underlying cause of these emotions aside from the definition of each.

Dealing with thoughts is really facing them. What I mean by facing them, is to really listen attentively or write them down and begin the journey of inquiry of each thought which almost always direct it back to the self. The trick here is to do it with the pure intent of really wanting to know the truth, rather than wanting to reinstate oneself to a feel-good state of mind. I have observed that many fall into the category of the latter and for that, they give up the whole inquiry process altogether only to find that they get upset again when the same category of thoughts arise when similar situations happen. Some even find resistance in this methodology due to some other beliefs that they have earlier acquired in their own practice of awakening. As much as I believe there are many ways to skin a cat, this methodology seems to nail the cause which results in a natural effortless change in a person as opposed to conscious effort to change towards a more favourable concept. The former is a natural shift in beingness, the latter is more a mimicking, or conditioning towards that.

There is a difference in natural shift and conditioning. A natural shift comes about from a true realized state, whereas conditioning is part of what is trained, or made habitual out of repetitive reinforcement. Either way is perfect, except that the natural shift of change, in my personal opinion, is something authentic as it arises naturally whereas the latter is like cloning.

Self inquiry takes a lot of courage and it can be pretty scary because self inquiry takes you into a world away from what you already know through the apparent ‘morbidity’ of your thoughts – into the unknown where no one else can fit into, but you yourself.

While it is true that thoughts causes separation, yet each thought that arises, as long as you are affected by it (and only one knows whether it does or not), you could work towards understanding what they are pointing towards and it always, always comes back to you, and you alone. While some thoughts may be scary, some may hurt, and some even threaten, yet when you sincerely sit down and work with them, is there a possibility to be awaken to what you have been hiding from yourself all these while – your own freedom.

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I had the privilege to be given a stage two weeks ago to stand in for a friend to conduct a sharing on thoughts. They were a bunch of university students.

Noticing that the crowd was able to grasp what I was sharing on how reality actually works for each of us; similarly and differentiatedly; I took it a step further to introduce the methodology of dissecting thought systems. I invited them to give me their train of thoughts and they gave me pretty relevant ones that were revolving around their current stage of life – exams, assignments, assessments. As I led them to see the meaning that has been put onto each thought, and more – we arrived at the theme thought for that night – failure.

So we worked with ‘failure’, finally recognizing the perception on failure churned out the other superficial thoughts on the surface level. It was expected that all of them perceived failure as an unpreferred circumstance to be in and that it is unacceptable not only to society, but to themselves. It was obvious – fear. Yet to me, fear alone at this juncture was not the ultimate but the ideas of what failure is to each of them; to me too, a long time ago; hence producing fear as effect. As we dissected further on the meaning of failure, they begin to see the other side of failure or rather the potentials that failure of a situation can bring forth. Some nodded their heads in agreement, while some kept silent as if I was about to lure them into the trap of being a failure. Those whom were silent were deep in thought while the class was given a moment to take in what was being shared and conversed. And in a while, one of the participants put his hand up and asked, “If I don’t have a fear of failure, how could I have a goal to be successful? It is because of this fear of being a failure, that I would work hard towards a goal to be successful.” I smiled. It was truly an innocent question.

I did not answer him, but replied him with another question instead.

“Do you have to have a fear of hunger now to know what you would like to eat for lunch tomorrow?”

He seemed a little shocked with that question, at the same time realizing that that question led him back to his own answer, which was “No.”

I went on explaining that we can have a goal and to some extent, even plan the steps towards it. But the trick here is to let go of the plan and come what way. The fear that is seemingly driving us towards the success is actually already telling us that we know what our future is like; and in a thwarted kind of way, we are actually already creating that for ourselves.

Our job is to do or be our best now, for now, and not for some imaginary future because there is none! Of course, it sounds like a swell ‘plan’ and to actually be something like that requires quite a huge amount of courage to surrender to what is, or perhaps, what is to become. The courage has to come beyond from the timidity of being involved in the limited ideas that one has already been conditioned or rather ‘gotten used to’ or ‘resigned to’ as the way of life in the world. Yup, learned through observations of surroundings not to mention the added on elements of being convinced by the people around. And nope, there is nothing wrong with that, too.

A memory now pops up of a conversation I had with a friend who called for counseling last night. She realized that all the decisions that she makes always backfires on her. She already recognized the manifestation of her experiences, or more true, her perceiving of what seemingly happens were related to some self-sabotage and unworthiness patterns. Yet what she wasn’t really seeing is that all her apparent choices were made from the same patterns of which led her to the same thing almost 100% of the time! She wasn’t really ‘moving out’ of the box as she struggles to justify her choices. She was in a merry-go-round chase. You know, like the snake biting its own tail. Perhaps the best thing she ever did ‘out of the box’ was to pick up the phone to dial my number!

Since she was a student of A Course in Miracles; though in my egoic opinion, not a very devoted one; I invited her to invite the *Holy Spirit into her decision making. And she asked a very pertinent question, “How would I know if it was the Holy Spirit’s Guidance to make a particular decision?”

I smiled (and yes, I have been smiling a lot).

“When it is unconditional.” I answered.

“Unconditional? What do you mean?” she asked shockingly, coming from a background of needing to do something for a purpose, a reason (geez, don’t we all?).

“Simply unconditional” I repeated. “When you could not find any reason to why you feel like doing it, do it! And be open to where it takes you!”

She laughed, as if ready for the adventure. Well, I don’t know actually… that was how it sounded like to me.

Any form of goals, decision makings when made out of information and perception of past experiences could never bring you out of where you think you are stuck. As Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve the problem at the level it was created.” It means to say that you need to ‘get out’ of the problem and when I say that I am in no way implying that you run away from it, but merely move yourself to another level to look at the so-called problem. At that level, you will see the cause and effect of it. When you finally see it, it becomes the end of everything. This is the sense of anew-ness, where clarity, trust and surrender become a prominent pattern in the so-called process of Life.

Of course, you can’t realize one without knowing another. And it is not possible to push or ignore one to pursue another. I’d say that the entire process of disengaging past conditionings moves you backwards – backwards because you have gone way forward in a dream… another word for it is ‘undoing’. Without the undoing, what we all are is simply effects, effects of rotten thought systems. For all you know, when you are ‘done’ with the undoing, perhaps you would still be moved to make the same decisions, except this time, with a fresher perspective which is nearer to what it truly is! Good luck!

*Note: Holy Spirit is merely a terminology used in A Course of Miracle and does not denote any religions connotations. Holy Spirit in this context can be any word so chose by one – for all I care, it can be Wisdom, God, Life, Universe, or perhaps even D-O-G. 

 

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I cannot tell you
what is right
what is wrong

I can only be your voice
asking you in return
what is right
what is wrong

my voice serves as an outer reflection
echoing back your own inquiry
that is all its purpose
not to tell you
what is right
what is wrong

the answer to your question
is your own question to your answer
can you not see the paradox of it
all that comes from it
is all that goes to it

a question cannot be asked
without already knowing the answer
only the answer is hidden
and in remembrance
the question comes to be

don’t be fooled my friend
of what it is to you
your lens still tinted
with apparent wondrous colours
even foggy
if I might add

as long as you think there is still a will
then there must be a you to think

yet the you that you think you are
is just as illusionary as this I that seems to speak

at the end of the day

who wants to know
what, when, where, how
and seriously
who cares…

except ‘you’

ask away anyway
since there is nothing to it
for a smile or even a laugh
that may come to be

without the delusional irony realised
what is there to laugh
so go ahead and ask all you want
and let all its answer
entertain only but you.

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