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Posts Tagged ‘inquiry’

A wish to have or receive is perceived due to a mentality of lack.

When the mental state is in fullness, there is no wish to have or receive because there is already having and receiving all the time, unconditionally.

Only twisted perceptions of what comes into our space seems to be obscuring the true appreciation and receiving of abundance.

And that, has nothing to do with whether one actually has, or received.

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When people judge or conclude on the mannerisms of teachings and the people who are drawn to it, it just becomes very obvious that they are still putting something into the box although they claim to be getting out of it. Surely, at this moment, it also looks like I am also putting them in the box by stating this too.

I read an article not too long ago about a teacher who is apparently guiding his disciples towards awakening, advocating that it is still gentleness that leads people out of delusion, rather than harshness. Interestingly, a few weeks later, I had to edit a similar article. Personally, I found both articles quite funny as if trying to reason which mannerism is better than the other, or to achieve an understanding on why some are drawn to the respective mannerisms.

The reason why I find it funny is because it is impossible to define which mannerism is better and what more, which is better for oneself although one may very well have his or her preference. And to conclude that one is drawn towards one approach and not the other, ultimately is also limiting. I find that the drawing or resonance towards teachings or teachers’ behaviors has much to do with one’s own intention towards the whole objective of being in touch with the teachings or the teacher. It can be unconscious intentions of seeking comfort, love, approval or even to the extent punishment, depending on what seeds are growing in the abyss of the mind at the moment of seeking.

For one that is seeking the truth, I have observed, it doesn’t matter how the knowledge or information is being presented although at times, it can come as a shock and some form of discomfort can be experienced at first. But again, as mentioned, depending on the initial intention of the original contact, the mannerism adopted during the contact is secondary, yet becomes a necessary means to fulfill the conditions of awakening at the point of contact as part of the process. So to conclude that one is better than the other, or even try to reason why there is preference, is to totally deter the natural law of what is prudently, necessary and needed for the moment for the objective to be achieved in the midst of the process.

Being privileged to be in the shoes who have had experiences of sharing in both mannerisms (gentleness & harshness), those specific times were simply explored and surrendered for the benefit of the sharing sessions. So far, the comments which I have received in return were phrases such as a bright beautiful angel, a living Buddha, even a tough-love-no-nonsense-no-frills teacher/comrade. Yet at the end of it all, my true gift in return was not in the resounding words that came back to my consciousness, but rather, in being a witness to the process of awakening to their own clarity and freedom. And yes, I do get a grateful Thank You from them too. Secretly, I myself am thankful to them, and most importantly to the natural process that took place without my own interference and interpretation of it.

Definitely, the gentler approach would draw crowd and most times, popularity too. Yet, it would be equally redundant if the gentler approach was used as a means to that, as opposed to truly sharing or guiding one who is truly yearning to find out what is truly going on. But then again, the non-abiding laws of the universe can always be trusted – where the seeker will always find what he seeks, since no man can be hidden from what he truly and sincerely seeks.

Therefore, so-called seekers, if you truly seek what you are sincerely seeking, why bother on the type of mannerism or how it arrives at your door when the Universe is merely delivering to you what you are seeking?

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So, yesterday was an official ‘Teacher’s Day’ celebrated by the world. I remember when I was a young kid, I would bring an apple to each of my teachers on such a day and wish them ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’. Why an apple? I heard or read from somewhere the best gift to a teacher was an apple and I honestly don’t know why. But since there is a saying, ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’, my guess is that it is either to make sure that the teacher doesn’t go on sick leave so that we could have our lessons on, or it is simply a wish for good health.

Interestingly, I received a ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’ message.

I’d have to admit that I had my fair share of dreaming to be like my own teachers – well loved, well received and well respected. But that was the past and I am not very inclined at the moment to revisit that memory except to say that at some point, someting just felt untrue about it. The air of being a teacher just didn’t sustain itself very long in me. I’d have to acknowledge too that to some selected few, I am being held up on a pedestal as a teacher. Yet, interestingly, there is always a tendency to remind them that I am a friend. That too, have somehow turned untrue to me now. I felt I am now, more of a comrade – someone to work with if you are really interested in working within.

The few who call upon me do ask me questions, and many a times expecting to get some sort of answers from me. What answers can I give to them, except to restructure their own questions and to redirect it back to them to arrive at their own answers? And they do get their own answers, somehow. And when they do, they are discreet about it; a little like me; because they know, and they share with me their own little liberation as means of expressing their appreciation. And it ends there.

So this person who wished me ‘Teacher’s Day’ shared with me that while he previously learned many tools from this particular teacher to unknot the mystic mind which he also learned from other sources, I apparently did something unique which was to empower him to create personal realisations out of these information learned. He shared further that as much as he now saw that I am his teacher, he also started to see why he will need to transcend through me in order for him to be his own teacher. Apparently, what I shared with him opened some doors for him and allowed him to see himself in me. It was awfully nice of him to think that way and that I was the one I did it.

I pondered a little on Teacher’s Day after receiving his message and thought that the most appropriate teacher to be grateful to ought to be Life itself. And upon pondering further, that felt untrue too as the anwer that felt truer came back towards the inner teacher, which is Godme – God&Me. No one can teach you anything. They merely share with you. You have to do the work, and Life offers that opportunity to you for your own inquiry, your own clarity and your own liberation.

No man shall be blind from what he seeks and wish to find unless what he truly wishes is not to find what he seeks.

So, am I a teacher?

Personally, I selfishly and arrogantly prefer to be labelled as a Comrade 🙂

Yet, if I am to teach anything to anyone, let it be that which directs one to Godme – the only Teacher to love, worship, cherish and respect within, and not me or anyone else. In that way, the outer conditions – the world – becomes an opportunity to learn and to be taught, from within. Then only can it be said, that it is solely yours and no one else’s.

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You are like that shadow
haunting me day and night.

An object
capable of bringing me to the heights of a happy dream
or the pits of a nightmare.

Just because of your appearance
with your whims and fancy
denying my whims and fancy
suppressing what is to be
arghhh…. the struggle.

Yet you are only that
an object of attention
and what power I had given out there
inevitably
stirringly within my core
that much inner work to be done
to clean you off the slate.

Not that reciprocal thoughts never occurred
but what is the use of revenge
as if an attack out there can ever cease
when the attack is actually right in here
within the indoor stadium of the mind.

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Loving is really that simple. Just loving, effortlessly.

It is only when beliefs and concepts start creeping in, that it makes the experience of loving a little harder hence propelling people to behave pretty strangely towards each other.  As if to stay away, it is possible to deny what is there; as if to stay away, it is possible to let time ‘heal’ the wound of not having; yet again, it is not about staying away or staying together. It is really about being awake to the moment, awake to the beliefs and concepts that one is still holding on in the mind that is stopping the experience of being maximal in full appreciation without guilt or regret.

Yet, does loving really stop? It doesn’t although it can be easily perceived that way.

It is really truly easier just to love, without harbouring the seeds of wanting, having, owning, judging, expecting, leaving, going. Yet, as long as there is still inner work to be done, do it for one’s own sake and not for another. What has the other got to do with all the concepts you have in the mind? The other cannot “add” to your reality. The other’s presence in your life, is ultimately only how you choose to perceive it to be and hence that becomes your reality.

Other than that, it is just as it is.

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Some may argue that we are being pulled to the past or future by thoughts and that, thoughts are impersonal. It is true. But can they surface in your consciousness if they are not part of your being? And yes, all of us, if not most of us, seem to be carrying the same stuffs.

What I meant by saying they are part of your being is that there is something in those thoughts that means deeply to us – attachment.

There are some methodologies which apparently helps one such as recognition and even reciting a certain mantra. Perhaps they help to a certain extent. But in my observation and direct experience, the practice itself actually becomes a distraction of the Now moment.  In fact, it can be a form of running away from the thoughts or an experience right here and now itself. Only one who has utilized this methodology would know what I mean. It somehow has a sense of ‘robbing’ away the moment presented to us, Now. Perhaps this can be said to be more of a useful practice when one is meditating in a formal seated posture without distraction.

Before I come closer to sharing what we could actually do with thoughts, I would actually suggest an essential step of non-resistance. I notice, as much as suffering can come from believing in thoughts, it can also come from resisting them. When this propels further, intense emotions tend to come on even stronger because of the ignoring attitude, until one has no choice but to break up in rage, or break down in depression – whichever way, there is no difference in the underlying cause of these emotions aside from the definition of each.

Dealing with thoughts is really facing them. What I mean by facing them, is to really listen attentively or write them down and begin the journey of inquiry of each thought which almost always direct it back to the self. The trick here is to do it with the pure intent of really wanting to know the truth, rather than wanting to reinstate oneself to a feel-good state of mind. I have observed that many fall into the category of the latter and for that, they give up the whole inquiry process altogether only to find that they get upset again when the same category of thoughts arise when similar situations happen. Some even find resistance in this methodology due to some other beliefs that they have earlier acquired in their own practice of awakening. As much as I believe there are many ways to skin a cat, this methodology seems to nail the cause which results in a natural effortless change in a person as opposed to conscious effort to change towards a more favourable concept. The former is a natural shift in beingness, the latter is more a mimicking, or conditioning towards that.

There is a difference in natural shift and conditioning. A natural shift comes about from a true realized state, whereas conditioning is part of what is trained, or made habitual out of repetitive reinforcement. Either way is perfect, except that the natural shift of change, in my personal opinion, is something authentic as it arises naturally whereas the latter is like cloning.

Self inquiry takes a lot of courage and it can be pretty scary because self inquiry takes you into a world away from what you already know through the apparent ‘morbidity’ of your thoughts – into the unknown where no one else can fit into, but you yourself.

While it is true that thoughts causes separation, yet each thought that arises, as long as you are affected by it (and only one knows whether it does or not), you could work towards understanding what they are pointing towards and it always, always comes back to you, and you alone. While some thoughts may be scary, some may hurt, and some even threaten, yet when you sincerely sit down and work with them, is there a possibility to be awaken to what you have been hiding from yourself all these while – your own freedom.

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I had the privilege to be given a stage two weeks ago to stand in for a friend to conduct a sharing on thoughts. They were a bunch of university students.

Noticing that the crowd was able to grasp what I was sharing on how reality actually works for each of us; similarly and differentiatedly; I took it a step further to introduce the methodology of dissecting thought systems. I invited them to give me their train of thoughts and they gave me pretty relevant ones that were revolving around their current stage of life – exams, assignments, assessments. As I led them to see the meaning that has been put onto each thought, and more – we arrived at the theme thought for that night – failure.

So we worked with ‘failure’, finally recognizing the perception on failure churned out the other superficial thoughts on the surface level. It was expected that all of them perceived failure as an unpreferred circumstance to be in and that it is unacceptable not only to society, but to themselves. It was obvious – fear. Yet to me, fear alone at this juncture was not the ultimate but the ideas of what failure is to each of them; to me too, a long time ago; hence producing fear as effect. As we dissected further on the meaning of failure, they begin to see the other side of failure or rather the potentials that failure of a situation can bring forth. Some nodded their heads in agreement, while some kept silent as if I was about to lure them into the trap of being a failure. Those whom were silent were deep in thought while the class was given a moment to take in what was being shared and conversed. And in a while, one of the participants put his hand up and asked, “If I don’t have a fear of failure, how could I have a goal to be successful? It is because of this fear of being a failure, that I would work hard towards a goal to be successful.” I smiled. It was truly an innocent question.

I did not answer him, but replied him with another question instead.

“Do you have to have a fear of hunger now to know what you would like to eat for lunch tomorrow?”

He seemed a little shocked with that question, at the same time realizing that that question led him back to his own answer, which was “No.”

I went on explaining that we can have a goal and to some extent, even plan the steps towards it. But the trick here is to let go of the plan and come what way. The fear that is seemingly driving us towards the success is actually already telling us that we know what our future is like; and in a thwarted kind of way, we are actually already creating that for ourselves.

Our job is to do or be our best now, for now, and not for some imaginary future because there is none! Of course, it sounds like a swell ‘plan’ and to actually be something like that requires quite a huge amount of courage to surrender to what is, or perhaps, what is to become. The courage has to come beyond from the timidity of being involved in the limited ideas that one has already been conditioned or rather ‘gotten used to’ or ‘resigned to’ as the way of life in the world. Yup, learned through observations of surroundings not to mention the added on elements of being convinced by the people around. And nope, there is nothing wrong with that, too.

A memory now pops up of a conversation I had with a friend who called for counseling last night. She realized that all the decisions that she makes always backfires on her. She already recognized the manifestation of her experiences, or more true, her perceiving of what seemingly happens were related to some self-sabotage and unworthiness patterns. Yet what she wasn’t really seeing is that all her apparent choices were made from the same patterns of which led her to the same thing almost 100% of the time! She wasn’t really ‘moving out’ of the box as she struggles to justify her choices. She was in a merry-go-round chase. You know, like the snake biting its own tail. Perhaps the best thing she ever did ‘out of the box’ was to pick up the phone to dial my number!

Since she was a student of A Course in Miracles; though in my egoic opinion, not a very devoted one; I invited her to invite the *Holy Spirit into her decision making. And she asked a very pertinent question, “How would I know if it was the Holy Spirit’s Guidance to make a particular decision?”

I smiled (and yes, I have been smiling a lot).

“When it is unconditional.” I answered.

“Unconditional? What do you mean?” she asked shockingly, coming from a background of needing to do something for a purpose, a reason (geez, don’t we all?).

“Simply unconditional” I repeated. “When you could not find any reason to why you feel like doing it, do it! And be open to where it takes you!”

She laughed, as if ready for the adventure. Well, I don’t know actually… that was how it sounded like to me.

Any form of goals, decision makings when made out of information and perception of past experiences could never bring you out of where you think you are stuck. As Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve the problem at the level it was created.” It means to say that you need to ‘get out’ of the problem and when I say that I am in no way implying that you run away from it, but merely move yourself to another level to look at the so-called problem. At that level, you will see the cause and effect of it. When you finally see it, it becomes the end of everything. This is the sense of anew-ness, where clarity, trust and surrender become a prominent pattern in the so-called process of Life.

Of course, you can’t realize one without knowing another. And it is not possible to push or ignore one to pursue another. I’d say that the entire process of disengaging past conditionings moves you backwards – backwards because you have gone way forward in a dream… another word for it is ‘undoing’. Without the undoing, what we all are is simply effects, effects of rotten thought systems. For all you know, when you are ‘done’ with the undoing, perhaps you would still be moved to make the same decisions, except this time, with a fresher perspective which is nearer to what it truly is! Good luck!

*Note: Holy Spirit is merely a terminology used in A Course of Miracle and does not denote any religions connotations. Holy Spirit in this context can be any word so chose by one – for all I care, it can be Wisdom, God, Life, Universe, or perhaps even D-O-G. 

 

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