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Posts Tagged ‘attachment’

Some people think that to have peace, is to ignore the person that irritates or hurt them.

If only they’d notice that even when all communication, meetings or even bonds are said to be severed – their reactions of anger, sadness, tears or even aloofness upon hearing the name or memories of this person already shows that the mere mention causes irritation or hurt without the actual physical presence of this person in their life.

If that is the case, then what difference would it make to ignore or not? The achievement of Peace was only imagined and rather conditioned in the so-called ‘absence’ of the other.

If only they could realise that whether they meet or not meet this person, what ultimately irritates or hurts them is not this person, but rather, the unconscious hanging on to the memorable perception of this person which can only come from an inner error of judgment and expectation within self.

And that, cannot have anything to do with the other.

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Some people stress so much on spirituality;

Some people stress so much on money;

Some else on life purpose, family, charity, whatever…;

Not knowing, they are all led by beliefs.

Some people persistently go on and on about who walks the talk, who talks the talk and not walk, who pretends to walk though not talk… In whatever topic matter be it spirituality, religion, politics, health or what have you…

What’s in it but yet another hidden agenda to satisfy?

Leave the there for there. We just be 100% responsible for here. It’s enough. There is really no need to talk; of course, unless you just simply feel like it – minus the hidden agenda.

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My dear friend swung by to transfer the last koi fish into his boot yesterday evening. Since it was the last fish out of the pond, there was no use left in retaining the water or to have the pump/filter running. Together, we switched it off after which he took the pump/filter with him as well. After all, I have no use of it anymore.

The water was in the midst of draining when I left home for a sharing session. When I got home, an unusual quietness filled the air as I got out of my car. As I placed my bag on the sofa, I walked out of the house again and into the garden. It was a habit to do that; to breathe in and enjoy the night air and to entertain a little inner chatter before heading to bed.

Yet, something was unusual – the quietness which was noticed earlier.

I looked around, memory totally wiped out for a moment what had happened earlier that day, and then suddenly realized that the pond was empty, void of water.

I walked towards the pond and realized that the contrast of sound from previous nights and at that moment was caused by the sounds that came from running water of the pond. At that instance, there was indeed a feeling of emptiness in the midst of that quietness; as if something was amiss. Although I had never really made tense attention to the pond or the fishes, little did I notice at that very moment when I was standing there alone, how significant its presence had been a part of my life every night, or any other moments when I was out in the garden.

It was something that the Mind was so used to that a change or a seeming end to an usual comfort albeit unconsciously, seemed to cause some sort of void. As if something has left. A part of self, gone. Strange.

Well, there was a moment of sadness. Yet, in it too, some sort of gladness accompanied. It was somewhat contradicting not to mention, funny too.

I stared at the empty pond for a while. There were some memories of the sound and sight of the running water, the water in the pond and its fishes. And there was a thought if I would miss the kois jumping up to the air above the water level and splashing itself way back into the pond. Was it their way of saying hi? I don’t know and I can never know. But, it did bring a fuzzy warm feeling of joy each time it happened.

We never know what around us have conveniently condition their own presence as part of our life through our senses, especially so when there is contact with it/them frequent enough. Mind captures everything whether or not our attention is there. What is captured becomes embedded. And if it is repeated, it becomes conditioned. To be able to grasp what Mind is picking up or how it is wiring it, is awakening to how Mind works, and to observe how you become you, and the passing of you… 🙂

Written on 27th March 2013

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Be gentle with me
I am only a child.

When you scream at me
Screech at me
Or even defend in your righteousness
By being stern with me
I will only retreat into my cave
Or throw my tantrums
Never seeing your point of view
Only wishing you hear me out
Perhaps even wishing I was dead
Because
I am only a child
I am only a child.

I am yearning for you to listen to me
To see me
The anger brewing within me
The hurt behind it all
Yet
Don’t lie to me
Don’t coax me
Just simply tell me the truth
Because I may feel better today
By your sweet honeyed words
But when I find out the truth tomorrow
I will hate you
And that will be worst
Because I have hurt even more
And I might even hate me for knowing you
Hate me for trusting you
Hate us for being like this
I am only a child, you see
I am only a child.

Force me not in my growing up
If that is what you are truly teaching me
I am only a child now
I am only a child
Learning and picking up what is in front of me
What you do
What you say
No matter how hard you try to make me grow up
I just can’t
Because
I am only a child
It is just not possible for me to see
Just not possible, beyond my time.

And it looks like
The way that you are now
Is most likely what I will become
Just another child trapped
Not listening
Not understanding
Because I am learning from a child too
And that child is you…

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You are like that shadow
haunting me day and night.

An object
capable of bringing me to the heights of a happy dream
or the pits of a nightmare.

Just because of your appearance
with your whims and fancy
denying my whims and fancy
suppressing what is to be
arghhh…. the struggle.

Yet you are only that
an object of attention
and what power I had given out there
inevitably
stirringly within my core
that much inner work to be done
to clean you off the slate.

Not that reciprocal thoughts never occurred
but what is the use of revenge
as if an attack out there can ever cease
when the attack is actually right in here
within the indoor stadium of the mind.

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Loving is really that simple. Just loving, effortlessly.

It is only when beliefs and concepts start creeping in, that it makes the experience of loving a little harder hence propelling people to behave pretty strangely towards each other.  As if to stay away, it is possible to deny what is there; as if to stay away, it is possible to let time ‘heal’ the wound of not having; yet again, it is not about staying away or staying together. It is really about being awake to the moment, awake to the beliefs and concepts that one is still holding on in the mind that is stopping the experience of being maximal in full appreciation without guilt or regret.

Yet, does loving really stop? It doesn’t although it can be easily perceived that way.

It is really truly easier just to love, without harbouring the seeds of wanting, having, owning, judging, expecting, leaving, going. Yet, as long as there is still inner work to be done, do it for one’s own sake and not for another. What has the other got to do with all the concepts you have in the mind? The other cannot “add” to your reality. The other’s presence in your life, is ultimately only how you choose to perceive it to be and hence that becomes your reality.

Other than that, it is just as it is.

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Some may argue that we are being pulled to the past or future by thoughts and that, thoughts are impersonal. It is true. But can they surface in your consciousness if they are not part of your being? And yes, all of us, if not most of us, seem to be carrying the same stuffs.

What I meant by saying they are part of your being is that there is something in those thoughts that means deeply to us – attachment.

There are some methodologies which apparently helps one such as recognition and even reciting a certain mantra. Perhaps they help to a certain extent. But in my observation and direct experience, the practice itself actually becomes a distraction of the Now moment.  In fact, it can be a form of running away from the thoughts or an experience right here and now itself. Only one who has utilized this methodology would know what I mean. It somehow has a sense of ‘robbing’ away the moment presented to us, Now. Perhaps this can be said to be more of a useful practice when one is meditating in a formal seated posture without distraction.

Before I come closer to sharing what we could actually do with thoughts, I would actually suggest an essential step of non-resistance. I notice, as much as suffering can come from believing in thoughts, it can also come from resisting them. When this propels further, intense emotions tend to come on even stronger because of the ignoring attitude, until one has no choice but to break up in rage, or break down in depression – whichever way, there is no difference in the underlying cause of these emotions aside from the definition of each.

Dealing with thoughts is really facing them. What I mean by facing them, is to really listen attentively or write them down and begin the journey of inquiry of each thought which almost always direct it back to the self. The trick here is to do it with the pure intent of really wanting to know the truth, rather than wanting to reinstate oneself to a feel-good state of mind. I have observed that many fall into the category of the latter and for that, they give up the whole inquiry process altogether only to find that they get upset again when the same category of thoughts arise when similar situations happen. Some even find resistance in this methodology due to some other beliefs that they have earlier acquired in their own practice of awakening. As much as I believe there are many ways to skin a cat, this methodology seems to nail the cause which results in a natural effortless change in a person as opposed to conscious effort to change towards a more favourable concept. The former is a natural shift in beingness, the latter is more a mimicking, or conditioning towards that.

There is a difference in natural shift and conditioning. A natural shift comes about from a true realized state, whereas conditioning is part of what is trained, or made habitual out of repetitive reinforcement. Either way is perfect, except that the natural shift of change, in my personal opinion, is something authentic as it arises naturally whereas the latter is like cloning.

Self inquiry takes a lot of courage and it can be pretty scary because self inquiry takes you into a world away from what you already know through the apparent ‘morbidity’ of your thoughts – into the unknown where no one else can fit into, but you yourself.

While it is true that thoughts causes separation, yet each thought that arises, as long as you are affected by it (and only one knows whether it does or not), you could work towards understanding what they are pointing towards and it always, always comes back to you, and you alone. While some thoughts may be scary, some may hurt, and some even threaten, yet when you sincerely sit down and work with them, is there a possibility to be awaken to what you have been hiding from yourself all these while – your own freedom.

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Dedicated to the Last Leg… well, almost…

I observe that it is hard to break free from the so-called Spiritual or Wisdom Teachers. And the best part is that the so-called Spiritual Teachers don’t really have the heart to encourage that breaking free from them too (Darn strange.. how is that even possible?).

So, it is a game that two or more plays. Maybe the student is not ready (really?), maybe the student needs the teacher (really?) or could it also be possible that the teachers are needing the students to be feeding something else? Well, I don’t know. And none of my business. I am just doing my part here sharing a piece for all those who are still doubting themselves and failing to come to terms with themselves out of their so-called ‘love’ for their so-called Spiritual or Wisdom Teachers (no offence, teachers, just doing my job here), still an external factor.

Forget about Love, Oneness, Compassion or even Wisdom. Seriously. Just simply, Clarity be unto All. Have fun!

 

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I had the privilege to be given a stage two weeks ago to stand in for a friend to conduct a sharing on thoughts. They were a bunch of university students.

Noticing that the crowd was able to grasp what I was sharing on how reality actually works for each of us; similarly and differentiatedly; I took it a step further to introduce the methodology of dissecting thought systems. I invited them to give me their train of thoughts and they gave me pretty relevant ones that were revolving around their current stage of life – exams, assignments, assessments. As I led them to see the meaning that has been put onto each thought, and more – we arrived at the theme thought for that night – failure.

So we worked with ‘failure’, finally recognizing the perception on failure churned out the other superficial thoughts on the surface level. It was expected that all of them perceived failure as an unpreferred circumstance to be in and that it is unacceptable not only to society, but to themselves. It was obvious – fear. Yet to me, fear alone at this juncture was not the ultimate but the ideas of what failure is to each of them; to me too, a long time ago; hence producing fear as effect. As we dissected further on the meaning of failure, they begin to see the other side of failure or rather the potentials that failure of a situation can bring forth. Some nodded their heads in agreement, while some kept silent as if I was about to lure them into the trap of being a failure. Those whom were silent were deep in thought while the class was given a moment to take in what was being shared and conversed. And in a while, one of the participants put his hand up and asked, “If I don’t have a fear of failure, how could I have a goal to be successful? It is because of this fear of being a failure, that I would work hard towards a goal to be successful.” I smiled. It was truly an innocent question.

I did not answer him, but replied him with another question instead.

“Do you have to have a fear of hunger now to know what you would like to eat for lunch tomorrow?”

He seemed a little shocked with that question, at the same time realizing that that question led him back to his own answer, which was “No.”

I went on explaining that we can have a goal and to some extent, even plan the steps towards it. But the trick here is to let go of the plan and come what way. The fear that is seemingly driving us towards the success is actually already telling us that we know what our future is like; and in a thwarted kind of way, we are actually already creating that for ourselves.

Our job is to do or be our best now, for now, and not for some imaginary future because there is none! Of course, it sounds like a swell ‘plan’ and to actually be something like that requires quite a huge amount of courage to surrender to what is, or perhaps, what is to become. The courage has to come beyond from the timidity of being involved in the limited ideas that one has already been conditioned or rather ‘gotten used to’ or ‘resigned to’ as the way of life in the world. Yup, learned through observations of surroundings not to mention the added on elements of being convinced by the people around. And nope, there is nothing wrong with that, too.

A memory now pops up of a conversation I had with a friend who called for counseling last night. She realized that all the decisions that she makes always backfires on her. She already recognized the manifestation of her experiences, or more true, her perceiving of what seemingly happens were related to some self-sabotage and unworthiness patterns. Yet what she wasn’t really seeing is that all her apparent choices were made from the same patterns of which led her to the same thing almost 100% of the time! She wasn’t really ‘moving out’ of the box as she struggles to justify her choices. She was in a merry-go-round chase. You know, like the snake biting its own tail. Perhaps the best thing she ever did ‘out of the box’ was to pick up the phone to dial my number!

Since she was a student of A Course in Miracles; though in my egoic opinion, not a very devoted one; I invited her to invite the *Holy Spirit into her decision making. And she asked a very pertinent question, “How would I know if it was the Holy Spirit’s Guidance to make a particular decision?”

I smiled (and yes, I have been smiling a lot).

“When it is unconditional.” I answered.

“Unconditional? What do you mean?” she asked shockingly, coming from a background of needing to do something for a purpose, a reason (geez, don’t we all?).

“Simply unconditional” I repeated. “When you could not find any reason to why you feel like doing it, do it! And be open to where it takes you!”

She laughed, as if ready for the adventure. Well, I don’t know actually… that was how it sounded like to me.

Any form of goals, decision makings when made out of information and perception of past experiences could never bring you out of where you think you are stuck. As Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve the problem at the level it was created.” It means to say that you need to ‘get out’ of the problem and when I say that I am in no way implying that you run away from it, but merely move yourself to another level to look at the so-called problem. At that level, you will see the cause and effect of it. When you finally see it, it becomes the end of everything. This is the sense of anew-ness, where clarity, trust and surrender become a prominent pattern in the so-called process of Life.

Of course, you can’t realize one without knowing another. And it is not possible to push or ignore one to pursue another. I’d say that the entire process of disengaging past conditionings moves you backwards – backwards because you have gone way forward in a dream… another word for it is ‘undoing’. Without the undoing, what we all are is simply effects, effects of rotten thought systems. For all you know, when you are ‘done’ with the undoing, perhaps you would still be moved to make the same decisions, except this time, with a fresher perspective which is nearer to what it truly is! Good luck!

*Note: Holy Spirit is merely a terminology used in A Course of Miracle and does not denote any religions connotations. Holy Spirit in this context can be any word so chose by one – for all I care, it can be Wisdom, God, Life, Universe, or perhaps even D-O-G. 

 

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This post is about exposing the body to someone else other than our beloveds.

Have you ever felt embarrassment before in revealing parts of your body to someone who is not your beloved? Well, most of us share this idea that we only show or share our bodies with the beloveds and during times when our bodies are accidentally exposed to another, some kind of embarrassment surfaces. Embarrassment can only arise from shame and that can only arise in a guilty mind. Yet shame is of a memory so ancient which belongs to an illusionary past manifested as guilt now, and the fear of a distant future. It is a chain of cause and effect arising simultaneously.

Let me share a story I encountered a few days ago of a shameless mind.

I posted on Facebook for any wanters for the last of my koi fishes since my pond is leaking and there was a thought that lack of efficiency of the pond may affect the fishes’ well being. It was within minutes that a dear friend called to express his wish to receive the fishes. There was no reason to say no since my posting was timely to his very own wishful thought.

He came by the day after and looked at the fishes and the pond. We both stood by the pond realising the depth of the pond and the amount of water in it was going to pose a challenge to transfer the fishes from the pond to a container he brought. Despite having the luxury to enjoy the pond for a good 6 years, my knowledge of the pond – how it works, how it is to be cleansed, the entire system – was minimal to me. Somehow we managed to drain some of the water out of the pond (actually quite a substantial amount of water) so that it would be easier to ‘persuade’ the fishes into the net that he brought.

It was pretty obvious that the length of the wood that held the net was not long enough. It was pretty instantaneous that he had a thought he had to get into the pond to get the fishes out. I agreed that it was a pretty good idea too. He politely asked if it was really ok with me since he did not intentionally plan to get into the pond and only had the existing clothes he had on his body to work with. I assured that I could provide the towels and additional clothes if that was ever his concern. Well, it was partial of his concern. The other concern he had was that he’d be in his boxes in the presence of what seemed like an opposite sex to him – a woman, i.e. me. It was awfully kind of him to consider if I might feel uncomfortable. Well, there was no prior thought about any discomfort that could arise from the possible scene so I assured him that it was ok. Or perhaps it could be put this way – it was just another body and made no utter difference to me. In fact, I was more interested in the observation of what it would take to finish up the task of transferring the fishes. The thought of the sight of a physical body of an opposite gender did not occur in my mind until he brought it up. Still, it did not bother my mind but did ignite an additional curiousness to what could possibly arise in the mind of my dear friend.

When he finally took off his pants, I asked him if he felt embarrassed, being aware of his earlier concern. Getting ready to dip into the pond, he replied there was no embarrassment arising. Being of an inquisitive nature, I then posed a question to him if he knew why there was no embarrassment arising. He didn’t have an answer except to ask me why in return. I did not give him an answer then.

Having been in the pond for a while and noticing that the fishes were going to give him some challenge before he could get them into the net, he figured that he also needed to remove his shirt. So there he was, this man, only in his boxes, and standing in my pond. I watched with amazement how his attention was towards not causing stress to the fishes without a care about how anyone perceived him. It was afterall, broad day light and I had neighbours taking walks along the street.

It was quite a task to get some fishes out of the pond and into his car. He cleansed himself in one of the bathrooms and left shortly thereafter. It was indeed a pleasant experience of working together with him over what people would label as a trivial experience in arriving to a realisation that there was no shame in exposing his body while at it.

The whole ordeal was no big deal and yet it reconfirms in me a realization that a guiltless mind bears no shame, evident from both our experiences that day. To some, the fishes were just fishes yet the love for the well being of the fishes brought us both together in experiencing a guiltless and shameless environment where a physical body was exposed under the sun (though not in totality) and did not bring forth any concern of uneasiness. It was as if there were no cares of the world. The fishes, though just another object of the world, allowed us to experience a moment of no-self but the arising of Spirit in being one in completing a task bestowed, for whatever reason.

The body, whether male or female, had indeed been a projection of unconscious separation with numerous accounts of beliefs where we encounter shyness, shame or embarrassment that comes with it. Of course, I am not advocating that we should walk around naked in the streets, but the mere fact that the physical body, in nakedness is shun by society or held possessively by oneself is definitely worth some effort looking at what we are exactly hiding in the mind.

It is time that we made peace with our own bodies, however they look like or whatever they are like. And this process of being at ease with what seem to be a costume to some Enlightened Masters takes place naturally in the plight or pursuit of our integrity and inner responsibility of our experiences with regards to ourselves.

The world views the necessity of shame so that order can be in place. Yet it is in shamelessness of the world that true vision where therein lies the natural order of things, is restored.

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