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Posts Tagged ‘attachment’

Some people think that to have peace, is to ignore the person that irritates or hurt them.

If only they’d notice that even when all communication, meetings or even bonds are said to be severed – their reactions of anger, sadness, tears or even aloofness upon hearing the name or memories of this person already shows that the mere mention causes irritation or hurt without the actual physical presence of this person in their life.

If that is the case, then what difference would it make to ignore or not? The achievement of Peace was only imagined and rather conditioned in the so-called ‘absence’ of the other.

If only they could realise that whether they meet or not meet this person, what ultimately irritates or hurts them is not this person, but rather, the unconscious hanging on to the memorable perception of this person which can only come from an inner error of judgment and expectation within self.

And that, cannot have anything to do with the other.

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Some people stress so much on spirituality;

Some people stress so much on money;

Some else on life purpose, family, charity, whatever…;

Not knowing, they are all led by beliefs.

Some people persistently go on and on about who walks the talk, who talks the talk and not walk, who pretends to walk though not talk… In whatever topic matter be it spirituality, religion, politics, health or what have you…

What’s in it but yet another hidden agenda to satisfy?

Leave the there for there. We just be 100% responsible for here. It’s enough. There is really no need to talk; of course, unless you just simply feel like it – minus the hidden agenda.

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My dear friend swung by to transfer the last koi fish into his boot yesterday evening. Since it was the last fish out of the pond, there was no use left in retaining the water or to have the pump/filter running. Together, we switched it off after which he took the pump/filter with him as well. After all, I have no use of it anymore.

The water was in the midst of draining when I left home for a sharing session. When I got home, an unusual quietness filled the air as I got out of my car. As I placed my bag on the sofa, I walked out of the house again and into the garden. It was a habit to do that; to breathe in and enjoy the night air and to entertain a little inner chatter before heading to bed.

Yet, something was unusual – the quietness which was noticed earlier.

I looked around, memory totally wiped out for a moment what had happened earlier that day, and then suddenly realized that the pond was empty, void of water.

I walked towards the pond and realized that the contrast of sound from previous nights and at that moment was caused by the sounds that came from running water of the pond. At that instance, there was indeed a feeling of emptiness in the midst of that quietness; as if something was amiss. Although I had never really made tense attention to the pond or the fishes, little did I notice at that very moment when I was standing there alone, how significant its presence had been a part of my life every night, or any other moments when I was out in the garden.

It was something that the Mind was so used to that a change or a seeming end to an usual comfort albeit unconsciously, seemed to cause some sort of void. As if something has left. A part of self, gone. Strange.

Well, there was a moment of sadness. Yet, in it too, some sort of gladness accompanied. It was somewhat contradicting not to mention, funny too.

I stared at the empty pond for a while. There were some memories of the sound and sight of the running water, the water in the pond and its fishes. And there was a thought if I would miss the kois jumping up to the air above the water level and splashing itself way back into the pond. Was it their way of saying hi? I don’t know and I can never know. But, it did bring a fuzzy warm feeling of joy each time it happened.

We never know what around us have conveniently condition their own presence as part of our life through our senses, especially so when there is contact with it/them frequent enough. Mind captures everything whether or not our attention is there. What is captured becomes embedded. And if it is repeated, it becomes conditioned. To be able to grasp what Mind is picking up or how it is wiring it, is awakening to how Mind works, and to observe how you become you, and the passing of you… 🙂

Written on 27th March 2013

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Be gentle with me
I am only a child.

When you scream at me
Screech at me
Or even defend in your righteousness
By being stern with me
I will only retreat into my cave
Or throw my tantrums
Never seeing your point of view
Only wishing you hear me out
Perhaps even wishing I was dead
Because
I am only a child
I am only a child.

I am yearning for you to listen to me
To see me
The anger brewing within me
The hurt behind it all
Yet
Don’t lie to me
Don’t coax me
Just simply tell me the truth
Because I may feel better today
By your sweet honeyed words
But when I find out the truth tomorrow
I will hate you
And that will be worst
Because I have hurt even more
And I might even hate me for knowing you
Hate me for trusting you
Hate us for being like this
I am only a child, you see
I am only a child.

Force me not in my growing up
If that is what you are truly teaching me
I am only a child now
I am only a child
Learning and picking up what is in front of me
What you do
What you say
No matter how hard you try to make me grow up
I just can’t
Because
I am only a child
It is just not possible for me to see
Just not possible, beyond my time.

And it looks like
The way that you are now
Is most likely what I will become
Just another child trapped
Not listening
Not understanding
Because I am learning from a child too
And that child is you…

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You are like that shadow
haunting me day and night.

An object
capable of bringing me to the heights of a happy dream
or the pits of a nightmare.

Just because of your appearance
with your whims and fancy
denying my whims and fancy
suppressing what is to be
arghhh…. the struggle.

Yet you are only that
an object of attention
and what power I had given out there
inevitably
stirringly within my core
that much inner work to be done
to clean you off the slate.

Not that reciprocal thoughts never occurred
but what is the use of revenge
as if an attack out there can ever cease
when the attack is actually right in here
within the indoor stadium of the mind.

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Loving is really that simple. Just loving, effortlessly.

It is only when beliefs and concepts start creeping in, that it makes the experience of loving a little harder hence propelling people to behave pretty strangely towards each other.  As if to stay away, it is possible to deny what is there; as if to stay away, it is possible to let time ‘heal’ the wound of not having; yet again, it is not about staying away or staying together. It is really about being awake to the moment, awake to the beliefs and concepts that one is still holding on in the mind that is stopping the experience of being maximal in full appreciation without guilt or regret.

Yet, does loving really stop? It doesn’t although it can be easily perceived that way.

It is really truly easier just to love, without harbouring the seeds of wanting, having, owning, judging, expecting, leaving, going. Yet, as long as there is still inner work to be done, do it for one’s own sake and not for another. What has the other got to do with all the concepts you have in the mind? The other cannot “add” to your reality. The other’s presence in your life, is ultimately only how you choose to perceive it to be and hence that becomes your reality.

Other than that, it is just as it is.

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Some may argue that we are being pulled to the past or future by thoughts and that, thoughts are impersonal. It is true. But can they surface in your consciousness if they are not part of your being? And yes, all of us, if not most of us, seem to be carrying the same stuffs.

What I meant by saying they are part of your being is that there is something in those thoughts that means deeply to us – attachment.

There are some methodologies which apparently helps one such as recognition and even reciting a certain mantra. Perhaps they help to a certain extent. But in my observation and direct experience, the practice itself actually becomes a distraction of the Now moment.  In fact, it can be a form of running away from the thoughts or an experience right here and now itself. Only one who has utilized this methodology would know what I mean. It somehow has a sense of ‘robbing’ away the moment presented to us, Now. Perhaps this can be said to be more of a useful practice when one is meditating in a formal seated posture without distraction.

Before I come closer to sharing what we could actually do with thoughts, I would actually suggest an essential step of non-resistance. I notice, as much as suffering can come from believing in thoughts, it can also come from resisting them. When this propels further, intense emotions tend to come on even stronger because of the ignoring attitude, until one has no choice but to break up in rage, or break down in depression – whichever way, there is no difference in the underlying cause of these emotions aside from the definition of each.

Dealing with thoughts is really facing them. What I mean by facing them, is to really listen attentively or write them down and begin the journey of inquiry of each thought which almost always direct it back to the self. The trick here is to do it with the pure intent of really wanting to know the truth, rather than wanting to reinstate oneself to a feel-good state of mind. I have observed that many fall into the category of the latter and for that, they give up the whole inquiry process altogether only to find that they get upset again when the same category of thoughts arise when similar situations happen. Some even find resistance in this methodology due to some other beliefs that they have earlier acquired in their own practice of awakening. As much as I believe there are many ways to skin a cat, this methodology seems to nail the cause which results in a natural effortless change in a person as opposed to conscious effort to change towards a more favourable concept. The former is a natural shift in beingness, the latter is more a mimicking, or conditioning towards that.

There is a difference in natural shift and conditioning. A natural shift comes about from a true realized state, whereas conditioning is part of what is trained, or made habitual out of repetitive reinforcement. Either way is perfect, except that the natural shift of change, in my personal opinion, is something authentic as it arises naturally whereas the latter is like cloning.

Self inquiry takes a lot of courage and it can be pretty scary because self inquiry takes you into a world away from what you already know through the apparent ‘morbidity’ of your thoughts – into the unknown where no one else can fit into, but you yourself.

While it is true that thoughts causes separation, yet each thought that arises, as long as you are affected by it (and only one knows whether it does or not), you could work towards understanding what they are pointing towards and it always, always comes back to you, and you alone. While some thoughts may be scary, some may hurt, and some even threaten, yet when you sincerely sit down and work with them, is there a possibility to be awaken to what you have been hiding from yourself all these while – your own freedom.

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