Archive for March, 2013

An image surfaces
And floats away

Another surfaces
And merges inwards

Can I choose to remember this
By holding on
Or perhaps
Choose to forget this
By letting go

I don’t know

I chuckle

I remember that he said
Even when I don’t know
I know that I don’t know

How wonderful to know
I am but All Knowing 🙂

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It seems as if
I am here
You are there

Not knowing
Where I am
Where you are

When you speak of your wound
It is my wound that you speak of

When I speak of wisdom
It is your wisdom you are witnessing

If that is the case
Was there ever an I or you
What made us think
There is an I or you

You look at me
Thinking it is him
Yet not knowing
Him is me
and me is you

And when you finally arrive
Its all mixed up
All confused
Who and what is
I, you, him, her

I don’t know
I can’t know

No wonder
There is an I, a you, a him, a her
Because there is a need to know
That I am not you
And you are not me.

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we had never dreamt
though told to simply dream
we are the dreamt all these while
dreaming we can dream

if what we are is simply dream
how can a dream wake up in a dream
if you and I are really such dreamers
surely when you wake
so must I

we are not of dream it seems
but yet we are the dream
why need the dream be a happy one
when it is simply just a dream?

‘lest I am not liking this dream
I must want to wake up
yet do I really have a choice
when all I am is
simply part of
the Dreamer’s Dream.

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This post is about exposing the body to someone else other than our beloveds.

Have you ever felt embarrassment before in revealing parts of your body to someone who is not your beloved? Well, most of us share this idea that we only show or share our bodies with the beloveds and during times when our bodies are accidentally exposed to another, some kind of embarrassment surfaces. Embarrassment can only arise from shame and that can only arise in a guilty mind. Yet shame is of a memory so ancient which belongs to an illusionary past manifested as guilt now, and the fear of a distant future. It is a chain of cause and effect arising simultaneously.

Let me share a story I encountered a few days ago of a shameless mind.

I posted on Facebook for any wanters for the last of my koi fishes since my pond is leaking and there was a thought that lack of efficiency of the pond may affect the fishes’ well being. It was within minutes that a dear friend called to express his wish to receive the fishes. There was no reason to say no since my posting was timely to his very own wishful thought.

He came by the day after and looked at the fishes and the pond. We both stood by the pond realising the depth of the pond and the amount of water in it was going to pose a challenge to transfer the fishes from the pond to a container he brought. Despite having the luxury to enjoy the pond for a good 6 years, my knowledge of the pond – how it works, how it is to be cleansed, the entire system – was minimal to me. Somehow we managed to drain some of the water out of the pond (actually quite a substantial amount of water) so that it would be easier to ‘persuade’ the fishes into the net that he brought.

It was pretty obvious that the length of the wood that held the net was not long enough. It was pretty instantaneous that he had a thought he had to get into the pond to get the fishes out. I agreed that it was a pretty good idea too. He politely asked if it was really ok with me since he did not intentionally plan to get into the pond and only had the existing clothes he had on his body to work with. I assured that I could provide the towels and additional clothes if that was ever his concern. Well, it was partial of his concern. The other concern he had was that he’d be in his boxes in the presence of what seemed like an opposite sex to him – a woman, i.e. me. It was awfully kind of him to consider if I might feel uncomfortable. Well, there was no prior thought about any discomfort that could arise from the possible scene so I assured him that it was ok. Or perhaps it could be put this way – it was just another body and made no utter difference to me. In fact, I was more interested in the observation of what it would take to finish up the task of transferring the fishes. The thought of the sight of a physical body of an opposite gender did not occur in my mind until he brought it up. Still, it did not bother my mind but did ignite an additional curiousness to what could possibly arise in the mind of my dear friend.

When he finally took off his pants, I asked him if he felt embarrassed, being aware of his earlier concern. Getting ready to dip into the pond, he replied there was no embarrassment arising. Being of an inquisitive nature, I then posed a question to him if he knew why there was no embarrassment arising. He didn’t have an answer except to ask me why in return. I did not give him an answer then.

Having been in the pond for a while and noticing that the fishes were going to give him some challenge before he could get them into the net, he figured that he also needed to remove his shirt. So there he was, this man, only in his boxes, and standing in my pond. I watched with amazement how his attention was towards not causing stress to the fishes without a care about how anyone perceived him. It was afterall, broad day light and I had neighbours taking walks along the street.

It was quite a task to get some fishes out of the pond and into his car. He cleansed himself in one of the bathrooms and left shortly thereafter. It was indeed a pleasant experience of working together with him over what people would label as a trivial experience in arriving to a realisation that there was no shame in exposing his body while at it.

The whole ordeal was no big deal and yet it reconfirms in me a realization that a guiltless mind bears no shame, evident from both our experiences that day. To some, the fishes were just fishes yet the love for the well being of the fishes brought us both together in experiencing a guiltless and shameless environment where a physical body was exposed under the sun (though not in totality) and did not bring forth any concern of uneasiness. It was as if there were no cares of the world. The fishes, though just another object of the world, allowed us to experience a moment of no-self but the arising of Spirit in being one in completing a task bestowed, for whatever reason.

The body, whether male or female, had indeed been a projection of unconscious separation with numerous accounts of beliefs where we encounter shyness, shame or embarrassment that comes with it. Of course, I am not advocating that we should walk around naked in the streets, but the mere fact that the physical body, in nakedness is shun by society or held possessively by oneself is definitely worth some effort looking at what we are exactly hiding in the mind.

It is time that we made peace with our own bodies, however they look like or whatever they are like. And this process of being at ease with what seem to be a costume to some Enlightened Masters takes place naturally in the plight or pursuit of our integrity and inner responsibility of our experiences with regards to ourselves.

The world views the necessity of shame so that order can be in place. Yet it is in shamelessness of the world that true vision where therein lies the natural order of things, is restored.

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Free will has often been associated with the word ‘choice’. If you have been on the journey long enough, you would have experienced the contradictory and paradoxical occurrences of what seems to emerge from this thing called ‘choices’.

For example: when you are in a situation where you feel stuck and someone comes up to remind you that you have a choice, and when you feel that you have made your choice, another comes to you to reveal that you didn’t have much of a choice in the first place except an illusion of it.

In my own limited observation, the words ‘choice’ and ‘no choice’ have much to do with the concurrent situation a beholder is in rather than a conclusion. I have this beloved friend, from observing my sharing with another friend, came forth to ask me this, ‘G, I thought that there is no choice?’. A loving smile surfaced in response to her question with the answer of, ‘if one finds himself in a space where there is a choice, then there is a choice; to arrive at a space of no choice is similarly where one is. There is neither a hierarchy nor any truth in either also.’

Now we have often heard too that the life stories of each individual is contracted with or scripted in the Divine. If that is true do we have a choice? Apparently yes as each movement denotes a somewhat different path. Yet, I am beginning to observe that although the outer reality seems to be of a different path, the inner experience and conditionings that is lodged deeply in the mind at least for that moment in time has not left. In that context, whatever and however your outer reality seems to differ due to a physical choice we have made, we have never left our place of origin. In that case, where is there a shift since it is the internal experiences that matter and not the outer reality?

In truth, the choice has never been yours except what is true in your heart at that moment. The illusion of choice comes to be due to the multidimensional conditionings that has been ingrained thus allowing a mirage of apparent differing experiences which either confirms in you that you have made the ‘right choice’ or the ‘wrong choice’ when in fact there was no such thing or is not even a basis of consideration in the first place. It can be said that the illusion of choices arises because of the existence of delusion. If you were clear all the while, would the word ‘choice’ even occur in the first place?

Yet, the choice or rather free will as given to us does not really denote an action of choice but rather in the noble intent of perceiving otherwise. It is similar to the saying by wise Masters ‘to choose again’. It is in this free will of perceiving otherwise that brings about clarity and hence the next decision or physical action or not. This becomes a natural movement following the clarity bestowed. In other words, you never moved except being moved by the natural force of the perceiving; whether consciously or unconsciously. In the free will of perceiving, the sane is automatically drawn to what is more true to the heart at that occurring moment which ultimately brings about only peace and surety to the being of the beholder.

When we are finally awake to this, there is really nothing to ‘do’ except to pay attention to what is happening in the abyss of the mind. While it is true that in certain circumstances some sort of physical action is needed to be in alignment yet as mentioned above, it becomes a natural movement rather than one which has planning in it. In that course of natural movement, you can be sure you are already a closer step to reconciling what was never needed to be reconciled in the first place.

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easier said than done
doesn’t mean it can’t be done
would you sit there
easier said than done
move towards being done?

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It is strange that at the end of the day, each decision that we are seemingly making, each behavior that we portray or rather that has become part of our being ultimately still includes and depends on an outer influence despite the countless reminders and persistent wisdom that surfaces that there is only One – You, or rather, Me.

The best part of this whole realization is that we cannot convince ourselves what more others we are indeed free by being an individual. I was reading a short excerpt from one of Osho’s reading sharing a story of a lion who was brought up by a herd of sheep and behaves like one until another lion brought him to a well to show him his own reflection. In that story, it was mentioned that lions move alone, being an individual while sheeps, they move and behave the same. Of course this is analogy of how we are all succumb to societal conditionings. Apparently, it is easier to control a sheep than a lion. And to train a lion, you need a whip. In the sheep’s case, it begins to feel so comfortable being in a group that it will cease to survive being alone. And a lion, after countless whipping eventually succumbs to the trainer, which to the trainer is a sign of obedience where in my knowing, is not but a condition moulded by the fear of being physically hurt. The lion, although knowing itself as a lion, has turned into a sheep.

Have you ever been in a position where you yearn for something in your heart and do not find any wrongness in it and yet afraid to move because of conditions? And what I do mean here is the conditions of others which in truth, has nothing to do with you. An example I have personally experienced quite recently is the sale of my house. My intents had been clear and yet I personally found it depressing each time I shared this idea with a family member whose ideas opposes mine about moving to a smaller dwelling. He reasoned that the current home is a better investment and in life, we must strive to have bigger things and not go backwards as what he perceives in my case. Now in my inner world, I understood where he was coming from as that is how the world apparently functions now especially if you are in the survival, money and investment game. Although I held what was true to my heart, which opposes his, I found an inner turmoil within me stirring each time my original thought and his opinion occurs in my mind. I felt as if I didn’t have to do something bad to be sent to hell by any karmic consequences when this body passes on as I was already in hell due to the inner conflict of views and his behavior of displeasure towards me. And despite the numerous reminders reflected back to just listen to my inner voice and to honor my choice, it was simply not possible. It was horrifying to come close to even opposing his views on how my life should be.

I will have to admit that it was anger which prompted me to be more firm on my decision to move on to the extent the final agreed price of the house was somewhat compromised in lower value of exchange. And because my mind has been conditioned to be open minded enough to see the bright side of things, I was eventually able to see that his behavior of displeasure towards me was actually a push for me to stand truer and stronger in my own integrity. Yes, the experience was unpleasant, but yet it brought me back to myself. And for that, I am secretly grateful to him.

This is the surface story with an experiential learning. In my own inner world, I knew my inner conflict had nothing to do with the outer world or this family member or even the idea of survival, money or investment. It was the conditioning of an ancient friend, approval seeking coupled with my own fears of moving on. As a dear friend mentioned, it is like treading on unfamiliar grounds, what more alone.

Yes, it was fearful. It was daunting. It was, to a certain extent, traumatizing. And although it was not one single step that led to a final leap (and honestly, I still experience the effects of it occasionally), yet I am thankful to the baby steps of courage I had bothered to take and the application of inner process which somehow brought about an inner strength. This inner strength peeled off my own tentacles and reliance on the world for love, for comfort, for approval.

Yet, while it seemed as if I did it all alone, I did not. Including the diligent inner process that my sincere intent had sown some fruits in some areas of my life and my unseen Masters, it was not only the people who lovingly supported and reminded me of my own loveliness and ability to transcend but the people who apparently gave me the hardest time, the deepest hurt, whom I never thought I could come close to embracing, accepting and most important of all, stand on my own grounds without being wavered of what is true to my heart. And I find it important to note too, the naturalness of not having to put them wrong while being firm.

I am alone today, as seen in the eyes of the world, and while at times I do experience some sense of loneliness when the simple joy of sharing with people who resonates somehow seems invisible, I don’t really feel alone but whole and clear. In that wholeness and clarity lies a natural capability to love with less and less conditions. That is my observation, for now.

I give thanks to all of which is past, though merely a memory with all its thwarted meanings without which I would not have grown dearer to myself, closer to what everybody is looking for – the God within.

And I invite you too, to begin your step, even if they are baby ones, with love and gentleness towards yourself. It is truly a gift only you can give yourself.

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