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Archive for March, 2012

Every moment is the best decision I could and can ever make, based on what I know, what I have learned before, and what I have experienced before; it is that thing that they refer to as ‘conditioning’ that leads to what I am in this moment.

A thought occurs, and I find that without questioning it, I am moving along with it, or resisting it. Without questioning it, or having the slightest insight of what the intent behind it is – that is where I am; chances of repeatedly doing what I have done before without pondering if that is entirely fruitful to me. Yet, to ascertain if that would be fruitful or fruitless to me is too would be a conclusion that I would and could make, for now, based on my past decisions, knowing and beliefs.

I have always been intrigued by this choice and no choice thing. One of my teachers reminds me that we always have a choice; and then another of my teacher shares that there is no choice. And then sometimes, I hear the same teacher who reminds me we always have a choice questioning me on how can there be a choice, and my other teacher who shares that there is no choice say, ‘choose again’. It becomes confusing after a while… and also, pretty hilarious when there is realisation.

The same subject was brought up again during a sharing session some time ago. And I find that most of us, if not all are still concluding if there is a choice or no choice when in truth, the pondering of such (the choice or no choice) is to leave the authentic moment Now and go back into some illusionary backward or forward to attempt a conclusion that could never, ever be made. It is very much like the conclusion we make on everything else be it a person or a scenario.

The truth is the choice chosen is always based on the moment, and in the moment that we have made that choice, we realise that in that choice chosen, that wasn’t much of a choice either. Yet, to say we have no choice, is also untrue, as if there are no other options left except what is available to me now.

Choice and no choice come in many levels. Choices become possible when there is open mindedness, when there is learning and of course supporting information. I invited some participants to ponder on the good and bad on reading during a weekend workshop. Whilst there were some of them who were unable to come up with anything that was ‘bad’ about reading, there was this one participant who was open minded enough to explore because she really wanted to know; and when she shared her thoughts with the rest of us, it opened up the minds of others as well. Of course, one might ask, what is the good in asking or inquiring… it is when you have an open mind to recognise the possibility then the choice or decision can then be made with a clear mind and wider potential; and whatever  the choice or decision may be; determines the action (in some cases) and thus experience.

The choice and no choice occurring in each individual is somewhat different in my observation. What is true and authentic for one, may not be so for another. And yes, every choice or decision made has its own cause and effect. Yet, if the choice is made based on the cause and effect experienced and concluded in the past, it can very much be based on ignorance too and not inviting oneself to explore new possibilities and potentials.

Still, choice and no choice is simply a noticing occurring in the moment. If it is within our capacity and ability to make a choice to move towards something, do it. If it is not, it is ok too and then it becomes a choice on how and what to perceive of it; that again choosing another outcome of experience internally. Every moment is an occurrence of choice and no choice since they are not really separated. Yet to ponder on this choice and no choice thing is as good as deciding whether I should go to the toilet or not when my bladder is already signalling and then pondering I could stay with it a little longer or simply surrender to it and go for a release. Well, until it is so full and it has to be released – it would still be a decision to be made if I would stay where I am for it to be released there and then itself (much like a baby who doesn’t care much until someone tells him/her it is a shame or that it is not right) or to head to the ‘rightful’ destination of what others call the toilet. It’s funny, come to think of it. And whatever choice that is to be made at that point in time, is ultimately the ‘best’ decision I could and can ever make in the moment! What could ever be wrong with it until I or someone begins to tell me that there is something ‘wrong’ with it?

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It is always like that…

Without a thought, there is nothing there…

And then a thought arise, and there is some interest to it… and then the body moves towards action and a story is born. Yet, there is really nothing to the story but the entire process of it, arriving at its destination to finally realise where it has arrived at.

And this is where the story this morning has arrived at, for her.

A remembrance – a beginning sometime ago, ending here; another beginning within its beginning, ending within its end ~ wherever it is.

Click on the Unconditional Sun (therein lies a creation by two in One, as One) and simply notice, enjoy where your beginning and ending is… 🙂

Picture taken in Bali, Dec 2011.
Poetic expression manifested in form by the ever-willing HTL, and GG in reply; within the realms and realization of what it is.

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Are you Aware?
If you are made aware of what you are doing;
would you still do what you do,
or defend what you are doing?

If you are not aware of what you are doing;
then how could you be doing otherwise,
but remain doing what you are already doing now?

If you are not aware of what you are doing;
totally unaware that you actually have a need to be aware,
then how could I ever see wrongness in you,
except to see where you are in this moment is simply perfect,
though with a wilful wish to nudge you a little of your need to be aware?

Yet,
if I am finally aware
that you are merely reflecting what is in my mind;
would I even bother if you are aware or unaware,
save to work with what is here within me,
recognising and appreciating your unawareness as a gift,
to my earlier unawake state?

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Wherever and whatever you are in the moment is perfect. It is what you decide to make out of it – therein lies your potential. ~ GG ~

***

This short film was sent to me last Sept, 2011 by a dear friend. Only today, I watched it and found it truly inspiring and sharing it here with you.

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Relationships fail and suffer in silence not because anybody is at fault, or that no one is good enough. It takes a little bit more than love, common interest and passion to sustain or nurture a relationship and I do mean all kinds of relationships which includes spousal, parental, friends, colleagues and etc. The one core ingredient that is most important but also mostly, unpractised by many in life, let alone in relationships itself is—visibility.

People get into all kinds of relationships for many reasons out of their preferences of choice and there is no right or wrong in such choices although that choice may be perceived as such by the society. It is like, if I wished to have a child; it is likely that I would find someone who would also like to experience the same thing, having the same objective in mind. Likewise, if I wished to play a game of tennis, I would find someone who enjoys a game of tennis. In that instance, both are in sync and in tandem with each other, moulding in togetherness towards the specific direction of such experience. Yet, at any one time, when one falls of out sync or decides to experience something else, it is natural that both parties may move away from each other and may find it difficult to ‘meet’.  In areas of those of couple relationships, such change of direction can lead to a separation, not to mention that one that may end up in pain and resentment. Yet, in my experience, the pain or the meaning of separation itself is hugely misperceived with a lack of awareness on the part of the self in terms of neediness based on fear patterns. Although this example seems to imply those of boy-girl special relationships but if you were to ponder deeply, it happens to almost all kinds of relationships/friendships.

I used to wonder why is it that one of my siblings is able to experience such intimate relationship with my dad and yet I find it difficult in doing so. I later realised that my sibling’s deep understanding of my dad was because he not only listened to my dad’s expressions of what is in him but also found ways to communicate with my dad to how he truly felt inside over certain matters important to him. The relationship is truly inspiring as there is much honesty and authenticity to the point that my sibling is open enough to point out dad’s errors and dad would just listen. For that, their relationship is constantly nurturing each other from the space of love, understanding and truth.

Clearly, it is my own error for not having the courage to express authenticity or even daring to be visible about what and how I truly feel inside. I usually just did my best to do whatever he wanted me to do, or simply stay away when I knew that state of mind did not allow me to be who he wanted me to be that day. No wonder, the ‘afar-ness’.  And all this while, I felt that he was the one who did not understand me when it was an arrogant thinking on my part that I understand him reasoning why it is better just not to let him know how I felt inside. In truth, it was my own limitation and lack of wisdom in carrying out my message to him that wouldn’t allow him to understand and see me. This is also a similar pattern carried in almost any kind of relationships. And guess what, we just kind of concluded other people’s sense of maturity!

Yet, visibility is not about revealing everything about us but rather, being necessarily honest and transparent enough in expressing and revealing that part of ourselves to people that we love. Quite contrarily to the thought system that ‘if I tell him/her this part of me, I will hurt him/her; or he/she will dislike or leave or not love or not accept me’, such authenticity and honesty actually nurtures the relationship in allowing another to understand you at an even deeper level. It is about being visible to another so that the other can finally see us clearly rather than playing the guessing game. Do you not find that it is much easier to be with someone whom you know is entirely honest about how he or she feels about things? It is like there is no pretence or feeling of hiding. Else, it is like playing a game of hide and seek and the aim is to never be found!

Hiding creates bondage in the mind. In fact, it adds on more to what is already in the mind especially when there is a hovering issue in the mind. Yet being visible in a relationship, as threatening as it may sound, actually brings the relationship to a higher level of trust, openness and love.

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Loss or wastage is really just a perception, and hence propels an expression of action that actually causes actual wastage. The views of what is perceived as loss or wastage determines the next course of action and hence experience of it. Yet, it is also the experience that has been gained internally perceiving wastage for something external that is no longer can be used, or at least the view of it not being used, that creates the perception of being wasted.

‘Wastage’ and ‘I no longer have use for it’ are two different things altogether. ‘Wastage’ is to denote that the material is now no longer can be used while, ‘I no longer have use for it’ emphasizes the useful or uselessness of the material only related to me, and me only.

I have been blessed in crossing paths with several few who prohibit and express the unwillingness of letting go of whatever that is no longer serving their wellness but instead, feed on the illusion of burden of having to keep. Admittedly, I am one of them. It can be a house, a habit, a material, a job, even a relationship; whatever it may be and the caption of ‘accept what is’ then eventually becomes a statement of ignorance that causes inner conflict and thus resentment and thereby giving reason that as long as I am not yet ‘accepting what it’, I get to keep it. It is as if ‘accept what is’ is now an excuse to keep holding on.

Change is permanent, whether it is an external or internal process. The truth is that each of us are constantly growing, evolving where change is permanently taking place and this is not something we can stop or change except to make peace with what is. This is different  from what is here and not doing anything about it; on the contrary, change can happen on many levels from a true ‘accepting what is’ realised state and motivates one to move towards a change more resonating with one’s own being.

Readiness to change is not always present, and this is the truth. Yet, let it be brought to awareness that readiness is present except for the unwillingness and limitation of it and hence creating that constant inner conflict.

It is important to address inner conflict. Yet many resist it. Even a practitioner who has been long on the journey may occasionally slip into the unconscious state of resistance. It is like a misaligning of spirit, mind and body occurring at that time. For instance, wishing to start an exercise regime, yet you find yourself sitting with a tub of ice cream and the mind is constantly complaining and feeling regret over it. If this is unseen, the inner conflict may propel to the point of depression.

Accepting what is is more than not doing anything. It is moving along with the flow of life. It is important to notice ‘what is’ changes constantly, all the time; and to resist it is the only true loss, in the sense of being honest and authentic to the self as that itself would be the true waste; until one wakes up to it.

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Look not at this body
Or the labels it once took on
Or perhaps still taking on
For you would not only miss me
But what you truly are

What you would perceive of me
Would only move you away from me
Thus moving away from you
Eventhough you think it is me that you’re moving away from

A projection of you
Which you are not yet seeing
I do not need to speak much
Nor as a matter of fact
Even do even the slightest
I already know who and what you are
Though you may think otherwise
For it is you who don’t know who you are
Projecting onto me that I do not know you

Yet you put on yet another a facade
Over an already facade that you have yet to unravel
To mask away what is already a mask
Thinking you could make me see you
How and what you would like me to see you as

Oh I can no longer be deceived
Because I am no longer disillusioned
I’ve recognised you the instance I met you
And I move along with you
Because I love you
And I know that is what you need

Generous or an ulterior motive
There you have separated us again
All but a bewildering imagination
Yet without them
Where there the dream to be awaken from

I know how it feels
For I’ve been there too
Astonished and unforgiving
Believing and disbelieving
Yet only through this all
That I’ve come to see what I actually thought I am
Is exactly what I am not as well

Finally seeing all of this
Finally seeing all of it
I am all, and I am not
Now even during moments when mind does not seem to rest
it can no longer take you away from me.

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