Archive for June, 2011

“So learn from Me now, friend, as I briefly profile the qualities that make the loving yogi one with Me, Brahman, the Godhead. There is no higher achievement in life.

“Cultivate a pure intellect. Free your mind and heart of delusion. Be self-restrained. Give up the ego. Subdue your senses through steady will. Abandon the sights, tastes, and noises of the world. Put aside with no regret the likes and dislikes so burdensome in life.

“Seek solitude, eat but little, lead a simple, self-reliant life, curbing your thoughts, speech, and actions. Be detached, impersonal. Engage your mind always in concentration, contemplation, and meditation on the Godhead.

“Cast from yourself all egotism, violence, arrogance, desire, anger, and attachment. Turn your back on luxuries and property. Possess very little, and shed any sense of ‘mine.’ Be calm, at peace with yourself and all others. Enter into the supreme state of unity with Me – I who am Truth, Consciousness, and Bliss.

“Thus united with Me, tranquil of mind and heart, neither craving nor grieving anything or anyone, accept all people equally and serve Me, Divinity, in every living creature. Love Me most dearly.

“Be very clear about the crucial importance of love. To love is to know Me. The act itself of loving is indeed the experience of really knowing Me, for I am Love, Arjuna! To love is to know My innermost nature, the Truth that I am. It is through this sacred and deep knowing that you gain access to Me and become one with My own Self. Loving is knowing God! As a deep knower of the Godhead you actually become the Godhead.

“Do not renounce action itself but only the sense of doership. Thus, even while engaging in worldly actions be but an instrument of the Divine. When you surrender there is no weariness in your work. As you are fully concentrated on Me, you will come home to Me in eternity.

“Mentally cast every thought and act onto Me. Know I am your best friend and only refuge. Be solely devoted to Me. Fix your mind and intellect on Me. Once you recognise that your mind, senses, and body – and all activities performed by them – are Divinity, then sense of doership, of ‘I’ and ‘mine,’ leaves you. When that happens, you have no concern but to do Divinity’s work for Its sake only. Your only interest should be to merge in God. It is by loving God that you rise from the human to the Divine.

“The one with his or her mind thus fixed on Me can, through My grace, overcome all obstacles. I know, Arjuna, that you are a good devotee and a beloved friend, but if you stay caught in your egoism and do not heed My words, you are lost and you will perish. If, in your vanity you think, ‘I will not fight,’ that misguided resolve will be in vain, because your very nature will drive you to do it.

“You can do no greater harm than fail to follow your inner truth! You have been nurtured in the duties of a warrior-leader. Your aptitudes, temperament, and disposition are such that you must oppose wrongdoing in the world. Facing this righteous fight you cannot simply decide on impulse to practice renunciation and quietism. This ego-driven decision of yours creates a conflict in your personality. Your inner nature will prevail in spite of your ego. Do not yield to this egoism and disgrace yourself.

“A man is not different from his nature, Arjuna, and is obliged to act in conformity with it. You yourself have created the tendencies that bind you now. The law of karma is more powerful than your ego. Even if in your delusion you think that you do not want to fight, your own nature will force you to. Following one’s nature is the only way to work out one’s karma.

“God dwells in the very heart of every creature and whirls them around and around as though mounted on a revolving machine. It is as if dancing puppets imagine that they are the dancers rather than merely puppets, and because of this illusion they become increasingly entangled in the strings.

“The yogi, however, changes this basic attitude and holds the conviction that all actions are in the Divine One’s hands. In this way the yogi lives life as the willing instrument of Divinity.

“Seek refuge only in the Divine, beloved friend. Always remember the illustrious truth that you have neither existence nor individuality independent of God. Attune your whole life to this truth. Take refuge in Me and experience great peace of mind. Those who do not come fully to Me continue to bring agitation and a stressful life upon themselves.”

~ Excerpts from Chapter 18, Liberation Through Knowing, Acting, and Loving (Moksha Sanyasa Yoga), the Bhagavad Gita, A Walkthough for Westerners by Jack Hawley ~

= The Gita documents the inner battle and struggles for the mind, heart, body and spirit which directs us to turn inwards and upwards to the True Self Within. =

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If there is no getting away from
wanting and not wanting
then at least
want what is Truth
and not want what brings you away from Truth.

If there is no getting away from
desiring and not desiring
then at least
desire what brings Freedom
and not desire what binds you from Freedom.

If there is no getting away from
then at least
be righteous in the practice
and not waver pointlessly.

If there is no getting away from
having and not having
then at least
have clarity
and not have ambiguity.

If there is no getting away from
needing and not needing
then at least
need sanity
and not need insanity.

If there is no getting away from
then at least
greed for Wisdom
that slays the unreality or reality.

Where you would surely arrive at
a want-less, desire-less, righteousness-less, having-less, need-less and greed-less state
which leads you to what
you ultimately want
which is peace and freedom.

If you are saying that
is not what you want
and it is money, love, career, sex, power, fame
or what have you
that you wish
consider again deeply
where all that you mention
after you have seemingly achieved them each or all
where they could seemingly
lead you
to where you truly want to be.

You’d realise somehow
sooner or later
how what you want
has never been any different
from what anybody wants
hence finally understanding
how everyone is
the world
over the same thing
just for that one same thing
which is

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Some time ago, I received a few comments from some loved ones that I don’t need anything or anyone in my life. It was quite a strange comment to me to be honest, because I didn’t really view it that way. You see, at that time I thought I still needed something, just not what they perceived what I needed.

To need something or someone, is to have that something or someone fulfil a need in me. And usually the fulfilment of need comes from the mentality of lack which usually boils down to joy, happiness or peace. And I am always reminded by Byron Katie’s statement of ‘Skip the middleman and be happy now’, hence allowing me to again and again come back to the present, to myself where nothing obscures my happiness, joy or peace except myself.

And this ‘need’ or lack mentality is exactly the kind of system that is running in our lives, our loved ones, our societies, countries and of course, most incessantly, our minds. I remember my teacher telling me once, “if you need something – no good; if you need someone – no good; if you need experience – okay.” And of course, as a natural inquirer, it boils down to the question of “why do I need such an experience and what can it do for me?” – Joy and happiness, in order to be Peaceful. And then it comes back to what Byron Katie says, why not be joyful and happy now; with or without the experience?

And of course that doesn’t mean that I do not want the experience, except that I am open to it whether I have it or not. Having said that, there are times when I am irked when I don’t have the experience but that is none of anybody’s fault or business except my own level of expectation put onto the other person and it is my own shit to work on.

The birthday is coming and I have been receiving messages, calls and questionings of what I would like to have or where I would like to dine for my birthday. Some would like to offer me dinner, money, expensive gifts, books and all that – and I say, “give me what you want to give me” because I am totally selfish and I only want what you want to give me, even if it is nothing. And even if I receive nothing, it doesn’t mean that I am not remembered, cherished or appreciated. I’d have to admit that I used to have those thought patterns pretty long time ago, but that kind of expectation levelled onto our loved ones is as if telling them – “hey you there, stop living your life and come gratify me eventhough you don’t feel like it!” And to me, that is sheer arrogance.

Questioning that, I begin to realise how I had been functioning as a human being and if a human being is what I am here to learn to become or rather realise to be, I am not very loving to others especially to those whom I claim that I love, am I?

So, yes it is rightful to say that I don’t need anything (as in materials) or anyone; but it is nice to have and receive things and experiences and that would include receiving and giving of gifts and/or simply just having you around. Because if that is what you want, that is what I want; there is simply no separation. And if it isn’t true to my space at that moment, I will let you know and it will have nothing to do with you except what I am currently going through or working on in my space.

A beloved friend told me on Sunday night during dinner, “darling, you are insane.” I laughed and told her, “no, darling… I am sane and you and the rest of the world are insane. It’s a number game.”  So it is also not rightful to say that I don’t need anything, because the only thing that I need is my sanity, and my sanity has much relevancy of how I relate to myself. When I know how to relate to myself, I naturally become available to the world, to my loved ones and that itself, is peace. And being open to any experiences that come my way, I am already gratified realising that it is a bonus reflecting an inner state.

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When you hang on to your view, which naturally disables your ability to expand your own understanding thus creating a right and wrong, a holier than thou attitude, at the same time establishing an illusionary hierarchy with the other, you have put yourself back into the prison cage which you had fought so hard to break free from. To agree to disagree is merely an attempt to keep what is true to you from a sense of righteousness accompanied by an expectation to be respected at the same time expecting others to do the same. This is using peace as a camouflage to hide the move away from the other in the inner world. You have then separated yourself from the other and obscure oneness in your space.

When you keep an open non-judgemental attitude instead, by truly listening to the other especially when the opinion or perception of the other seems opposing to yours, at the same time not concluding the understanding of either, you allow new information to come to you for deeper learning and further growth, hence expanding your own horizon of how you view everything. In that space of openness you not only gain more insights but at the same time, learn more about another and begin to experience intimacy in that field where mind meets mind and become one. There is a deep sense of appreciation and gratitude that arises naturally from insights and realisations gain supported by the sincere understanding of others’ experiences and this is indeed a gift, we can give to one another.

This can only be attained by open-mindedness.

And open-mindedness is, Wisdom itself.

Yet, to expect the other to have the same open-mindedness is another delusional separation at work.

Stay mindful. Stay aware. Stay Open.

Your clarity is all that matters.

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I remember
when I first met you,
how eager I was
to get close to you.

I never had a sister you see
and had always wanted one;
someone to go shopping with
someone to do girly-girly stuffs with
someone to chit chat with
till the cows come home;
that is, if they ever do.

Perhaps some one more
to belong to
to love me
and accept me.

I attempted many ways,
subtly and shyly
so not to seem too excited
but at least enough
for me to get close to you
to get to know you
so that you’d get to know me
and grow to like me too.

But the closer I seem to move forward
the further you seem to distant yourself
as if indicating
your disinterest in being in my company.

Many times I was hurt
irked and angered
at the failure of my attempts
to succeed and fulfil my need of having a sister.

And this sister granted by law
whom I thought is at hand
the closest one I could begin with
and yet time and time again
only left me dejected and disheartened.

Blessedly, I found myself, sis
and realised how it has never been about you.
I learned to respect you as you are,
instead of seeking your approval of and love for me.

As I put aside my selfish needs and expectations of you,
I learned that I begin to love
and appreciate you
more and more.

It is as if
you did not really need to talk to me
you did not really need to hug me
you did not really need to do anything at all
and I had already fallen in love with you
acknowledging you were already my sister
that I did not have to make you one
for you have resided in my heart
long even before I realised that you have arrived.

Now when I hear you call me ‘sis’
when you smile at me,
it has become a bonus to the heart
an additional gift I receive of you.

And today I broke the news to you
you told me that you cried
as you mentioned how
you did not wish for us to go through what you went through.

So I had to cry along with you
because of the guilt of reminding you your triggering past;
yet I have to tell you this
how very proud I am of you.

How you never give up what is true to you,
how you continuously soar to honour yourself,
how you ceaselessly gave yourself only the best,
how you rise up to your challenges,
and reign above them!
My gosh, sis…
And where you are right now…
~ Beautiful, Strong, Happy ~

And know this, sis
we do not need the law to make us sisters
because you are my sister;
you reside in my heart.

This has been,
is still,
will be,
a fact
that you and I will never be able to find a way
to deny no matter how hard we try.

I love you, sis.
I have never felt so close to you ever
for you now live in my heart
and that is the best place anyone can be in.

*Dedicated to my sister-in-law, who is my sister, Jay Lyn.”

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as we have been taught
as we all know it
to give up something
to have something
to lose something
so someone else can gain something
always making one lesser
and adding more to the other.

Such ancient belief!
How to undo?
How to unlearn?
How to unguide?
To be known
that sacrifice itself
does not mean
to lose something
in order to win something
to drop something
in order for someone to have something.

Those words
even in economic term
Opportunity Cost
what would it ‘cost’?

If sacrifice cannot be shaken off
then why not
use sacrifice in rightful context
sacrifice the false
in order to have the truth
sacrifice the unreality
for reality
and then realise
the reality of the unreality
the unreality of the reality
having both sides of the coin
no longer two sides
of either or
but in Oneness
in One
where the meaning of sacrifice itself

And surely
you will be amazed
you will laugh
you might even fall off your chair
and saying to another
‘Finally, I sacrificed and then realised I have it all!’

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I don’t know where you are on your path
I see not with your eyes
I know not what your purpose is here
In this stage of your evolution
But I feel blessed to know you
As you are not in my life by chance
And you are my teacher
As I hope you learn from me too
I pray I show reverence to you
I pray not to judge you
I wish to let you be
Who you are
Who you dream of being
I will just be beside you
And watch you grow
And the day will come for sure
When we will know why
Our paths crossed this way
And until then my friend
Be who you must be

~ Unknown Author ~

*Derived this poem from a kindred spirit from Facebook. Thank you Tristen, for sharing*

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Pondering deeply
how you do not recognise me
naturally inquiring
why I had needed you to recognise me
realising finally
how I had stood so nastily righteous
expecting you to recognise me
when I myself do not recognise you.

Why does it matter
if you recognise me or not
save for an escape to the space
to be acknowledged
to rest in safety
of who I am, where I am and what I am
indeed such great delusion
how I keep running round in circles.

I am expecting you
to know where I am coming from
when I myself cease to notice how
I do not know where you are coming from
from that
throwing out words of accusation
totally ignorant of this dire selfishness
not of the sacred kind
but the malicious type
hurting and hitting you in the midst
of wanting, seeking from the outer
which I should have long remembered
is hopeless to begin with.

‘O dear Teacher
‘O dear Lover
‘O dear Brother
‘O dear Sister
forgive me of my ignorance
for I sometimes forget
that it is not the outer that matters
but what is inner
deep within Self
that gives me all answers
the solace that I seek.

I sit at my feet
at the same time
bowing at yours in modesty
kissing them
not in shame or disgrace ‘O dear beloveds
but highlighting the grace you have bestowed upon me
bringing me back here once again
balancing within
once more.

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My partner and I recently signed the divorce papers. It is interesting to observe the different responses from others upon hearing such news. Those who somehow thought that we were one of those that would have a long lasting marriage seemed distraught and upset that we signed the papers thus attempting to convince how we should not have been so hasty in our decisions, while there are those who were joyful because it was something that they had wished to do but yet lack the courage. I noticed that in both responses, it was more of relating to themselves than to me. Except for my bestie, who authentically expressed, “G, I have to admit that I am shocked by the news, but I trust you and your decisions is for the highest good.”

It is indeed a wonderment to observe each of these responses. At times, I find myself having to pay a little more attention to what they were trying to convey to me only later realising that they were seeing me as a victim, as in a facade of a divorcing woman, drawn from the perception of a divorce situation generalised by society, which is somewhat negative. My inner struggle arises from receiving these kind of responses whom (in my perception) seem to disrespect my partner’s and my deepest wish which inevitably puts me back in the position of being a victim – strangely, a victim of not being respected instead of one who is going through a divorce where the husband is leaving or vice versa. I remember when I revealed the news to a loved one, she went high with objections citing how it was my doing that had resulted in this. She went on and on that a marriage is about staying together through thick and thin, good and bad and etc etc. I consciously reminded her that I was not seeking her approval but merely informing her of what was going on in my space since it felt appropriate. I also reminded her that my partner and I did not need a marriage certificate or more rightfully, the illusion of a marriage to be there for each other, through thick and think, good and bad. We are, in fact, still very close to each other and intimate in the heart as compared to the times when we first got together.

Next come the paradoxical question, “if that is the case, then why is it necessary?” Believe me when I tell you that both of us asked ourselves the same question over and over again before coming to a final decision which we felt was most appropriate for ourselves. But still, are the reasons to why we took this route necessary for anyone to know? Again, it is as if we need to explain to others of what we are deciding for our lives. Perhaps it will be fair to say that we are done with the contract of ‘compromise’ and ‘give and take’. We are now more keen to cultivate our own interests and paths without holding ourselves back or each other for keepsakes. I remember one night when my partner authentically expressed his fear of losing me and yet at the same time realising a deep knowing that I am and will always be there for him. He is right and I feel the same way. Somehow the switch of roles, although can be quite scary due to breaking out of the comfort zone does not seem to threaten what we have within. Nothing really changed; except that we have both grown up, and transcended the ‘need’ to be with each other in this kind of relationship.

I do receive comments from people who tell me the possibilities of us getting back together in future. I find it funny that they should express that, as if they have suddenly turned into some professional fortune tellers foretelling my partner’s and my future. I get a little doubtful as I ponder deeper if they were expressing that because that is the story they wish to see happening to me, or to console me as a woman who was going through a divorce that all hope is not lost and he will come back to me someday. I do not mean to demean the well-wishers, only I can’t deny that I find it absurd and funny.

And, for the record, if it does happen, I am all open for it and also for the record, it is not like we are leaving each other. To put it more authentically honest, it is not within my space or business to know or to hope for a future such as this whether it is 3-4 days or 3-4 months from now. That future time frame does not exist at this moment except now, so it is redundant to envision whether he will come back to me or not and trust me when I say this is the least of my concern at the moment. I cracked a joke with a beloved saying if my partner does come back, it looks like it will be within my choice and integrity to choose again. If it was because of different course in life that has led us to this path of a seeming separation perceived by the society, perhaps by then it would have to take a twist in my or his interests to see the possibility of us choosing each other as life companions again, doesn’t it? No one really knows. Can you?

So someone may ask, “eh, I thought love is unconditional?” and of course it is! Having different interests doesn’t mean love is not present, and by being divorced also doesn’t mean that there is no love. Love is unconditional also to mean without conditions and despite all conditions and that does not limit to people who love each other having to stay together for the rest of their lives when there is something else that they wish to do or experience for themselves; well, unless they wish to do that; to stay together in a conventional way, that is; I’d say that it is entirely their choice.

And for people who are able to take this step, at least in my partner’s and my shoes, it only means that our bond is so deep that we no longer need to possess or hang on to each other that way. We have come to peace with ourselves, hence with each other, thus able to bless each other’s journey by letting each other go from the illusionary bondage of a marriage or relationship.

The divorce lawyer commented that we are the easiest and happiest couple she has ever worked with. Another friend also said that this is only possible if both parties are mutual in the decision. I’d say that all divorces are mutual except that one is in denial causing the other too, to fall back into denial; where the whole drama unfolds or remains status quo. That kind of situation is inevitable when both parties do not allow themselves to be honest and authentic with themselves and each other. And it is never too late, to start now. Having said that, it also doesn’t necessary mean that a divorce needs to take place.

In my experience, a divorce is not really a separation but a reunion of some sort though perceived otherwise in the world. It is a respectable choice of path if acted upon from the space of wisdom where two parties are at peace with themselves and each other, also respecting each other’s growth in each of their own phase of life. In any case, it is not about staying in the marriage/relationship or getting a divorce/separation but rather, the motivation behind it; and for that, only the people behind the act would truly know for themselves.

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How you keep coming back!!!
Ripping apart the beloveds!!!
Typically insidious!!!
Neither one, able to catch you in time!!!
Terrible, terrible!!!
Keep coming in between!!!
Claiming for transcendence!!!
Claiming for unity!!!
Claiming for unconditionality!!!
As if innocence is not in existence!!!
What cannot be destroyed!!!
Conjuring stories out of perceptions!!!
Of old tales retold again!!!
Will you ever stop!?!
Insidious you!!!
The heart aches!!!
As the knees trembles!!!
The body giving way in weakness!!!
Drowning in the sickness of tyranny!!!
Is this what You want?!?
  What are You?!?
Where are You?!?
What do You want?!?
Opps… You saw me…
Yes, I saw you
how you are displaying your pattterns

but I am no longer caught on
unwavering in my space
you can no longer reach me.
Aikes, you really, really saw me…
…only in vigilant effortless effort…
…watch in Stillness…

…Who is Watching?…

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