Archive for April, 2011

It will be soon
recognise me

You will realise
You can no longer
define me
my experiences
my patterns
what You may still perceive
may be familiar

You’d know
You’d recognise me somehow
still indefinable

the Precious is revealed
Your eyes open
to see
who is in front of You
behind You, beside You
in You

You will realise
how You’d no longer have a choice
but love me

Simply because
You have reconciled
and recognized


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Put together
for forgiveness
for undoing
aligned with the journey Home.

Yet when one does
and another doesn’t enough
not as quick as the other.

Another one appears
finding solace
within the deeper realm.

Still no motive found
for purpose here is never another
yet this can only be valued
by hearts returned as one.

As paradoxical as it is
what carries inner – the same
is what remains apart
the two.

This that unites the spirit
what remains
hearts unspoken
yet already understood.

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dancing flamboyantly
to the music of each bearing
each seeking out for another
completion of its sequence

each meet resonating
yet no compromise is fused
for the tainted cannot meet the untainted
there remains a space

until such is found
the missing piece of finishing
allowing the completion in sculpture
to be broken down again

such is its make-up
the bit, the whole, the ruts
Constructing – Whole – Destruction
back to nothingness – zilch – nil

an end as it eradicates
another beginning it inaugurates
closing off, initiating
all over again, and again…


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Have you ever experienced before when you approach someone to address a discomfort within you, or to resolve a situation and what you get in return is a whole bucket of evidences and facts thrown at your face of how you were the one who had done and said all things wrong without you even knowing it, making it impossible to state your case of dissatisfaction?

Well, I was one of them, as in one who collected evidence either in paper or in memories, bringing them out in the open without hesitation always 110% all the time surely to win a confrontation or a battle coming forth to me.

I recalled many incidents where close friends and I are at a dispute and due to my reliable memory bank then to bring out incidents where I was ill or unfairly treated always made them stunned for a while as if making them realized that they were the perpetrator and I was the victim and the innocent one being wronged. At the end of any confrontation, they usually conclude that I was so good at arguing that they could never win me, or that there is no point in arguing with me because I was always right. Darn right I was! I had all the evidences and facts even in form of papers and emails and sms-es! It was the same exact case how I succeeded to have my ex-superior suspended from a bank from my skillful accumulation of evidences to the Human Resources Department proving how she would victimize and verbally and emotionally abuse her staff which included me. Yes, that happened, and it is not something that I am very proud of today when I recall the whole experience of it.  There was also once where I was in a foul exchange with one of my friends through email some years back, I printed out the email and read it over and over many many times, as if to remember this incident and to keep this email so that I could throw it back at her face if she ever comes forward to confront me about it. That was how treacherous I was in protecting my sense of righteousness.

I never really knew how the other parties felt because as long as I was right, I won. And I could never be wrong since I am the one with all the collected information with proof. It didn’t really matter to me how they might have felt as long as I was in a ‘superior’ position bearing the torch of righteousness. And being in that space, it made it easier for me to ‘forgive’ them and approach them to tell them, “aww… let bygones be bygones, my dear friend… I love you and our friendship means more than just a fight.” Makes me feel right now how I was like a tiger hiding beneath a sheep skin. After a while, I was told that some of them were afraid of me, which I never got to understood why. As long as I got what I wanted, that is, to remain right, I was alright and didn’t really care. Thankful though to good friends who reminded me to ‘let it go’ and soon, I found myself throwing all the evidences into the rubbish bin as to keep all these in the mind was somewhat a burden.

Yesterday’s encounter with a loved one brought me to the other end of the pendulum where I was the one ‘wronged’. Although I am sure that her intentions was not that but to bring clarity to the situation, but it reminded me of my past behavior of how I used to treat my friends, even my ex-superior. Although I cannot deny that at the level of the world, what I held (or in this case, what the loved one held in her space) was only the truth of the situation, but I could not deny too that there was guilt in holding up to whatever evidences that I had in memory or in paper, which in truth was actually upholding my sense of righteousness – so that I can never be made wronged or attacked. For that, I realized that I must have hurt my beloved friends and also my ex-superior although my ex-superior was not someone I fancied very much at that time. Never mind about whether I am actually fond of anyone of them or not, but the mere fact of my act of keeping evidences and records as if collecting bullets secretly was already a sign of getting ready to fight. Like a soldier waiting for war to happen and armoring himself with more than sufficient ambushes before the war actually breaks out, failing to recognize that I was already at war with others in a very subtle sense. And of course, by setting that very intent itself, war becomes true in my space. Reminds me of this saying that still water runs deep. How true.

I am indeed humbled by this experience which allowed me to be in the shoes of another albeit in a different storyline. It allowed me to see my past error; that I needn’t be right all the time and it doesn’t mean that anyone is wrong either. It brings me back to a more humane level where natural compassion arises for myself, others and also of the situation; to truly listen to cries of others and myself rather than to defend myself so quickly without even giving a chance to each other to authentically express what is truly in each other’s space.

I’ve come to see that it is not the right and wrong of a situation or even in the context of a person since there is no really such a thing anyway. I’ve come to realize that what is truly dear is the cherished space of all our own inner cries, truth and innocence emerging through others and this too, applies to those in our space.

This is an error that I have finally come to recognize, and am thankful for the blessed opportunity to realize it.


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“Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering.
Some suffer too much, others too little.”
– Buddha –

It is interesting to observe life lessons which are easily transcended by one, may not be the same for another. I remember this tale of an acquaintance who progressed in the spiritual journey quickly, but could not understand why it was hard for others. And I’d have to say that I had this same pattern quite some time ago.

A beloved reminded me once that sometimes when we are able to do something, there tends to be a sort of expectation accompanying that other people are able to do the same thing. It is like much like babies learning to walk; some learn to walk a little faster and some a little slower, each depending on his or her experiences of falling and trying internalised, coupled with support and encouragement received by the external environment, which are also internalised and also the attitude of the baby.

It is not really of much support to others when we keep pushing others to transcend their fears when what is required is their own willingness and pace. Even with willingness, it takes a huge amount of inner work to arrive at the transcendence of life lessons with conditionings allowing Wisdom to finally enlighten the mind; and we can never tell how much time others need. Some may take 1 week, 1 month or even lifetimes. If not, we wouldn’t be blessed with past life therapists who helps us access our past life stories or experiences in order to understand or realise what was not seen before. That too, after a session of such therapies still requires readiness to actually transcend the whole pattern of what is ancient in the mind.

The other day, a loved one sent a text to me and asked me if we could guide and support someone. My answer to her was that there is no such thing. How could it be possible? We are simply doing what we feel like doing at the moment, as in talking, and people think that we are guiding or supporting someone. It takes the other parties’ motivation rather than something that I can do. But I can live authentically and be an inspiration to others when I walk the talk, instead of just talking the talk and that is the only act that I can be moved to do within myself, for myself and not for others. It becomes my way of living, rather than to live as an example for others to follow. Although this statement sounds a little general, but let’s put it this way… when I am taking full responsibility of what arises in my space and doing my inner work, other people will notice. Since inner work is not something that can be shown, but by the mere result of how our way of life is already serves as an inspiration to others if that is what they want too, and what they want is beyond my control. It is somewhat impossible to assess how soon or far along that another will take to transcend the same ancient pattern for we are too unfamiliar with their course of experiences and stories.

Understanding this is peace and thus compassion arises naturally. Whenever the mind goes off wandering about other people’s businesses, it is astute to diligently to go back to the basics that is to mind my own business. My business will include addressing any judgment or perception that arises in any situation concerning others and myself as any act that I would attempt outwards is always being run by some specific ideas in the mind. If I am still working on myself, what space can I have to work on others?

Yet, that does not mean that I cannot be available for others. Being available for others means being open to listen and to speak when asked to, at the same time also acknowledging that what is being shared does not come with expectations of others picking up what is being communicated. It is after all, their own journey (and my own, too) and each phrase is as important for each individual.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”
– Buddha –


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The other day as I was sharing some stories that I was experiencing in my space with a friend, she asked me why the need to create experiences such as the ones I shared with her for myself as in, what’s in it for me. I pondered a moment upon her questioning and it dawned on me at that moment, which surprises me too at the same time that the recreation of experiences was to tell me where I am at mind level, or more rightfully, where the mind is.

Already understanding and realising that everything is in the mind and of the mind, it would be wise to work with the mind, rather than to address anything outside of it. Some time ago, I was sharing with a beloved that the only reason why I would still go to a fortune teller or a psychic is merely to know what is in store for the future as in projected into the future based on the existing ideas in the mind. The session of fortune telling so to speak is more of an opportunity for me to investigate, surrender, forgive, realise or whatever you may choose to call it on areas at the level of the mind for the purpose of undoing.

Having said that, it is not a purposeful or a conscious intent to recreate experiences so as to trigger and test as that itself is like sitting for an exam already knowing the answer. I’d say that most experiences that comes with life lessons which I had gone through earlier were recreated at a pretty unconscious level though the patterns of the mind are predictable by now. And this is not only happening within this lifetime but throughout many, many past lives having put us back here again and again. Yet, with awareness and the habitual motion kicking in to clear whatever ideas that is in the mind, it is natural that even if the storyline was to repeat itself, the experience of the storyline itself is different. With constant practice, any ancient deep seeded pattern can be broken.

I remember sharing with some friends on the subject of nudity and nakedness. Although there was a knowing and surety that it was ok for me, yet to fully experience it in a somewhat open space in the presence of others during my trip overseas recently was another thing altogether. Another of a dear lesson of mine which is abandonment has also significantly reduced and each time I experience that whether it is in a form of storyline or a sudden visit with no storyline, it tells me what I am.

Now, of course I am not saying that it is wise to purposefully trigger myself or others as that is totally inhumane at least in my perception. If I knew that someone would be triggered by my saying or doing something, then I don’t act on it out of sheer compassion, which is too another level of wisdom though when a call of integrity comes in, I am asked to only honour myself. Yet, at the level of the mind, when it is done with a wise and appropriate intent, it will not be astonishing to witness that no one actually gets hurt because all that is out there is merely a projection of what is inner. Some people call that, a miracle.

Where I am heading is more of allowing experiences to unfold by itself and constantly, constantly bringing our attention inwards to work with what is already here. And I am too, not saying that I purposefully go to a fortune teller or a psychic just to dig my own grave. It is a fun thing to do, really… the whole experience of it all, but upon listening to what is being told – what do we choose from there? Again, it is not about ‘doing’ something in form, but to address the level of the mind.  

I cannot really undo what is in the mind for the purpose of living a happy dream for a happy dream is already an effect arising from appropriate conditionings. Yet, a happy dream can turn into a nightmare if remnant ideas are not being addressed and being shoved aside just because it doesn’t really hurt that much anymore. I watched a movie some weeks ago ‘World Invasion’ where at the ending scene, the lead casts chose to go back into the battlefield to clear off the remnants of the aliens remaining of Earth after already destroying the main controlling unit of the invasion of aliens. It was truly an inspired scene that seems to tell me that we leave no remnants in the mind. It is like going into the remaining 5% of the mind to clean it up. Of course, I am just being optimistic here by saying that it is only ‘5%’.

The mind is indeed a tool, and we experience life through it. The other day, another loved one asked me, “G, how did we come to this stage where there is this whole lot of rubbish in the mind?” Obviously, it was because we did not know better or to put it shrewdly, it is because of ignorance. Of course, I am not saying that everyone is living a miserable life, or rather story. But it becomes an interesting journey to go through experiences with much freedom, peace and wisdom rather than allowing old patterns of the mind rerun the whole entire show.

Undoing here means surrendering, forgiving, and realising the errors not recognised before. Although it is indeed a simple process; still it remains a process that requires much sincerity, honesty and willingness.


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Many people think that meditation belongs to the part of being spiritual.

Many people also think that meditation is sitting down, crossed legged, with eyes closed.

But that all, is only defining meditation in its own limiting concept.

If one could begin to question and experience what meditation is like,

without the limiting ideas of what has been told and taught,

one would then realise;

meditation is more than that,

spirituality is more than that;

in fact, but all of it,

as in life.

Here, I share with you an entry posted by a like-minded practitioner,

whom I do not know in person,

but yet recognise dear in the heart.

Please click below.

Integration by Sharanam


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